Tarzan, in whatever version it finds itself, has long been on my shit list. Most put the blame squarely on the shoulders of that 2003 (I don't think it made it into 2004) WB series of the same name (which, perhaps because of the beefcake, I totally watched), but in reality, it happened the minute Disney decided to screw with the single greatest attraction, ever, the Swiss Family Robinson Tree House at their Disneyland resort, by turning it into the ultimate lameness that is the Tarzan Treehouse. The pirates learned the hard way not to fuck with the Swiss Family Robinson, and I hope someday Disney does, too. Where was I going with that? Oh yeah. A new Tarzan is in the works, folks -- this one a re-imagination of the classic, Tarzan, Lord of the Apes.
Guillermo del Toro had originally been attached to direct when the project was announced at Warner Brothers two years ago, but as he is currently and for the foreseeable future (more on that later) committed to more Hobbit-y pursuits, Stephen Sommers, the helmer behind The Mummy and The Jungle Book will step in to take his place. Sommers, who is working with screenwriter Stu Beattie, says that he does not plan to work from the original 1914 book, nor any of the other preceding films, but that they will come at it with an entirely new approach that is, of course, being kept tightly under wraps. The pair recently finished working together on next summer's G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, a movie my boyfriend -- much like me with my copious Swiss Family Robinson Tree House laments -- won't shut up about. There is no casting news, or a whiff on when it might be released, but if Tarzan knows what's good for him, this new version won't throw any coconut bombs or catch a tiger in a pit, nor otherwise further sully what is already and will always be the greatest jungle movie, ever. *Ahem.*