The newest Jennifer Aniston movie opens this weekend, and we already feel weird saying that. If there is such a thing as an "Aniston movie," it's defined by terribleness, and almost certainly does not deserve its own categorization. But it's not like we can call it the latest Aaron Eckhart film, or the newest Brandon Camp picture, because those are both even more preposterous, so we're stuck with it. Luckily, we have zero plans to see the movie, because... well, there are several reasons, really.
1. Jennifer Aniston Has Terrible Taste In Films.
Think about the movies she's been in, and try and tell yourself that you really enjoyed any of them except possibly Office Space. You can't, because they were either boring, slice-of-life dramedies or lifeless, formulaic pairings with male comedy superstars. You can check out the list here, but we haven't seen anything in the commercials for this movie that makes it look any better than her average box office bomb.
2. Aaron Eckhart Isn't Exactly Picking Winners, Either.
We love his goofy charm in Thank You For Smoking, and we dug him in Dark Knight, but this is also the guy who made No Reservations and Bill. Even his earlier, big-budget jobs -- Nurse Betty, The Core, Paycheck -- have something in common: overbearing awfulness. So, Dark Knight aside, he clearly has a history of backing the wrong horse.
3. The Film Doesn't Seem to Have a Plot, Really.
Eckhart is a self-help author who's lost someone. He needs to get over it. Aniston is a florist tired of being cheated on. She's sworn off men. They meet cute, go on a date, and... love happens. That's not a plot. That's like one-quarter of a plot. One-third, max. Do they go on a wacky road trip? Get taken hostage? At least tease us with something that hints at there being more to the story. Something we might actually have to buy a ticket to find out.
4. The Writer/Director has No Track Record to Speak Of.
This is Brandon Camp's first time directing a movie, and before this, he was a writer for John Doe, a cancelled TV series about a guy who doesn't know who he is. Dude, we don't know who you are! Is this how you want to introduce yourself to the world? Sure, everybody has to have a first movie, and great job scoring two pretty big actors with horrible taste in scripts, but we don't expect much good to come out of this.
5. That Title!
Love Happens. If this was a raunchy comedy, and not a fairly earnest-looking romance, we would assume the title is a play on Shit Happens, but we really can't pair that sentiment with this film, except that we can't believe it got made. Granted, Love Actually managed to be a fun, raunchy film despite having almost as dull a title as this one, but we don't have as high hopes. Hell, Love Stinks was a raunchy comedy with French Stewart, and even that movie was more appealing than this one looks.
What do you think? Will you see Love Happens?