This weekend, we get a new Resident Evil film -- Resident Evil: Afterlife -- this time using the new-fangled 3D camera contraptions from Avatar. Wow! What a waste of those innovative contraptions! Kidding aside, while the RE films are good, gory fun and all, they are a little embarrassing to be associated with. Here's our tough-love look at the new movie's cast and an evaluation of their decision to appear in it.
Recent Credits: The Fourth Kind, A Perfect Getaway, about a dozen other Resident Evil films, we've lost count.
Resident Evil Role: Alice, the superhuman zombie killer in search of vengeance against the Umbrella Corporation.
Slumming? Nah. She's been in some highbrow-ish things (The Fifth Element) in her life, but the Resident Evil films are really where she's found her niche -- jumping and stabbing in slow-motion.
Recent Credits: Heroes, Obsessed, Absolut Vodka commercials that plagiarize Quentin Tarantino.
Resident Evil Role: An amnesiac version of her Resident Evil: Extinction character Claire.
Slumming? No way. Obsessed was the one of the greatest things we've ever rented (ever!) but it didn't exactly get her noticed by the upper echelons of filmmakers. It's been a mighty and steady fall since Heroes Season 1, and at this point Resident Evil is a lovely gig for her.
Recent Credits: Prison Break, having an unfortunate hairdo on the internet.
Resident Evil Role: A new character to the RE movies, Wentworth Miller is Chris, older brother to Claire and soldier in the zombie war.
Slumming? This is likely the best thing he could get, and we understand that, but why is he working at all? Prison Break was on for four years, during which time leading actors can make more than the rest of us will ever make in a lifetime. Did he spend all his money on dying that clown wig?
Recent Credits: He is Tig, the fetishist who won America's heart on Sons of Anarchy.
Resident Evil Role: He plays someone named Bennett. We do not know what that means, but we hope it's someone who likes having sex with corpses (our preferred Kim Coates experience).
Slumming? Medium. He may be on one of the best shows on television, but he's not the face of it, and it's probably a good idea to get out there and start hacking up people and things on the big screen.
Recent Credits: He is the dreamy husband spy on "sexpionage," a.k.a.Undercovers. He was also on Soul Food, but who watched Soul Food?
Resident Evil Role: Luther West, leader of the human survivors of Umbrella's virus.
Slumming? Nope. At the very least, this movie's got to be better than the Undercovers pilot.
Your thoughts? Leave them below! Then take a look at Milla Jovovich's most forgettable roles.
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