Damn it all, Nicholas Sparks! I told myself if I cried at your eighteen-hanky tearjerk bonanza I would shoot myself in the face. Well consider me dead, mkah? The lesson I learned the hard way is that you don't go into a movie like Nights in Rodanthe expecting it to be anything other than what it is -- a sappy, sad-sack chick-flick that'll have you weeping by the time the credits roll. Writer Nicholas Sparks might very well be the master of this particular strain of movie, something I dubbed the SPOILER ALERT "bone-n-croak" because there's a love story, the requisite "romantic" love scene involving a painfully slow disrobing sequence and some sort of tragic(-ish) death. If you've seen of Sparks' other works (A Walk to [sob!] Remember, The Notebook), you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Well, it's been a while since I talked about the Witchblade movie, so I thought I'd jump back in with a crazy Witchblade sandwich. No, not the kind with Witchblade in the middle (although those are tasty), but the kind with Witchblade as one piece of bread and her aquatic, equally scantily-clad comic-book counterpart Fathom as the other piece of bread. In the middle? Megan Fox. Now, that sounds like a delicious sandwich. Anyway, Megan Fox has been linked to both roles in two months, and I just thought I'd let you know so all of the Megan Fox fans can start picturing her in skimpy outfits. ...Because I highly doubt anyone was doing that already.

One of few criticisms people have about the war in Vietnam is that the war was unwinnable, a quagmire from which there was no escape. Well, Ben Stiller has proven that the war was indeed winnable... or, at least, that a movie about people making a movie about Vietnam can be a winner at the box office. For the third weekend in a row, Tropic Thunder has taken the #1 spot, pulling in another $14.3 million over the long holiday weekend for a total gross (so far) of $86.6 million. While the movie's controversy seemed to have helped it at first, the repeat business can only be from positive word-of-mouth -- or possibly the fact that the rest of the movies coming out this weekend and last looked so devastatingly boring.

It looks like Hilary Swank is setting herself up for another box-office disappointment. The Oscar winner has acquired the rights to produce and possibly star in an adaptation of Emily Griffin's 2005 novel "Something Borrowed." The book tells the story of a Manhattan attorney who gets involved with her best friend's fiancé after her 30th birthday. The problem here is that the character Swank will likely play, that of Rachel the Manhattan lawyer, is a good-looking girl. When Swank just puts on a dress for a movie, it generally doesn't do very well. (See: P.S. I Love You, Freedom Writers.)

I'm not a girl who can afford a lot of designer things, but the one thing I indulge myself is a bit of Chanel perfume. And no, I don't smell like your rich aunt -- I'm not a No. 5 girl -- I'm of the younger-smelling Coco Mademoiselle generation. Turns out I'm not the only one forking over the cash for a piece of the young Coco Chanel. In what is probably not a Dante's Peak answer to Lifetime's upcoming Chanel miniseries' Volcano, Warner Brothers has singed on to produce and distribute Coco Before Chanel, a French-language biopic that will focus on the designer's early years.

In a week of low-wattage premieres, the thrown-into-the-spotlight Tropic Thunder has topped the box office once again. Between Ben Stiller going "full retard," Robert Downey Jr. going "full blackface" and Tom Cruise going "full fat, Jewish guy," the buzz and controversy translated into another $16.1 million this weekend, racking up a total of $65.6 million since its debut on August 13th. Which left new films The House Bunny and Transporter Thr-- er, Death Race in second and third place with $15.1 million and $12.3 million, respectively (if not respectfully).

The promo mill for Woody Allen's Vicky Cristina Barcelona started grinding into high gear recently and it cranked out a doozy. It's like someone asked, "How do you promote a movie about two women involved in a love affair with the same man?" And the answer came back: "Naturally you pimp one of those women out for a threesome!" That woman is none other than Scarlett Johansson, who plays the titular Cristina, and you can check out a screenshot of the contest at The Dish Rag. But, look, ScarJo. No one thinks less of Paris Hilton for not promoting her National Lampoon movie, and she's generally a huge waste of space. You, on the other hand, were in Lost in Translation. So what in the world are you doing with this?

Paris Hilton has finally found something that's not "hawt." No, it's not her career, it's National Lampoon's Pledge This. The folks who put their name on four Vacations, two Van Wilders and an Animal House are suing the latest Presidential candidate for not promoting the film as per her contract. Hilton stars and also produced the movie, made in 2006, and her $1 million payday included going on the road to promote the film. E! Online says she's being sued for $75,000 for "failing to provide 'reasonable promotion and publicity' for the film." Considering it was released straight-to-DVD, I question how Ms. Hilton could have successfully promoted it. What was she going to do? Go to people's houses?

It seems that I owe MWoP blogger Odie Henderson a dollar. Odie swore to me that Pineapple Express would not beat The Dark Knight at the box office this weekend, that in fact Batman would stay perched on his high gargoyle until Tropic Thunder came along. While that latter part remains to be seen, it does seem like my estimation of Seth Rogen and James Franco as Bat-breakers on a par with any of Arkham Asylum's inmates was incorrect.

Some movies are destined to work better than they should because of their cast. Take, for example, the first Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants: No one thought it would be a movie that adults and teens/tweens would love, but it inexplicably was. Only not quite inexplicably, because the reasons were plenty: great script, great story, and, mostly, that amazing cast.