Apparently, Cinema Paradiso got it all wrong: Being a film projectionist is not a magical, life-changing experience. It's scary as hell. At least that's what comic book company Studio 407's new project, The Night Projectionist, wants us to think.

So picture Jason Voorhees, Leatherface, Chucky, and Pinhead sitting at table in a dimly lit hotel ballroom. Nearby, a bored DJ periodically remembers to change to a new song, and other people sit around their own tables picking at cold chicken and linguini, reminiscing over their glory days. It's like your worst high school reunion, except instead of the quarterback who used to torture you, these are the horror icons of the '70s and '80s whose movies have been remade, rebooted, or reimagined. Suddenly, the doors swing wide and in strides a guy in a green and red sweater and skin even worse than yours when you worked the whole summer standing over the deep fryer at the local burger hut. It's Freddy Krueger, natch, and he announces he's joining the group: The Nightmare on Elm Street remake has just gotten the green light. Then he throws in some kind of terrible pun for old time's sake and the others commiserate with him.

According to CHUD.com, John Carpenter is developing a movie that script writers Jeremy Passmore and Andre Fabrizio say came about because they "were trying to do Unforgiven as a gangster movie." Titled The Prince, theirs is a story about a Vegas gangster who's left behind his life of crime to try to lead a normal life with his family. This echoes Clint Eastwood's character in Unforgiven, who tried the same thing, only to find himself in the middle of bloodshed and violence all over again. Passmore called the project "a bit of a departure" for Carpenter, who's made a name for himself directing horror movies like The Thing and Halloween. It's not hard to see how you'd get from horror to gangsters, though.

If you're a zombie fan, hopefully you took some time away from watching Romero films over the last couple of years to read a book -- specifically, World War Z. The "survivors' account" of the First Zombie War talks to veterans and victims from every continent who recount how humanity made it through a global outbreak of the undead. J. Michael Straczynski (the cartoon and comic book writer who wrote Changeling) penned a screenplay based on the novel by Max Brooks (son of Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft), and the result was a reportedly fantastic script. Well, now the project has a fantastic director: Marc Forster, whose Quantum of Solace just opened with the biggest weekend take of any James Bond film ever, so everyone who thinks that he's some kind of a hack who ruined the Bond franchise, you can rest assured that he won't be coming back for another installment, you big babies.

Whatever happened to killer kids in horror movies? I remember during the '70s and '80s, horror movies were filled with children who made those little brats in Lord of the Flies look like altar boys. The Swedes have an answer to my opening query, a vampire film called Let The Right One In. It sounds like a cross between Bergman and Hammer Studios. The plot has a lonely 12-year old boy befriending his next-door neighbor, a 12-year-old who turns out to be centuries old, yet trapped in an adolescent's body. Sort of like Dakota Fanning, whom I'm sure will be tapped to play the vampire for the American remake. The critical praise bestowed upon the film got me thinking about some of the old killer kid movies of my past. Note that none of these kids would have remained the way they do if the parents had called my mother to assist them.

It's not hard to find a glamorous vampire, or a kickass vampire. You can find scary ones, creepy ones, ones that make you want to sleep with garlic in your pajama pockets. But the movies are full of sexy, seductive immortals, too. Sure, the bloodsuckers in Interview With a Vampire and those in all the variations of Bram Stoker's Dracula are well-known, but what about those who toil away in box office obscurity? Before the cool teen vampire flick Twilight comes out later this month, here are a few vampires you may not have met before.

In a move that was probably made because his own TV's parental control V-chip didn't work, the new head of HBO recently put the kibosh on its plan to bring '90s comic book series Preacher to late-night. And while HBO may not be ready for such dazzling visuals as an inbred Jesus descendant peeing on people or angel-demon sex-having, Columbia Pictures totally is. Before it was circled and then bailed on by HBO, Preacher was an in-development film project, with Kevin Smith's View Askew producing and James Marsden attached to play the title character. This go-around, if it finally gets off the ground, the film will be directed by Sam Mendes (Road to Perdition, Jarhead), who is currently on the hunt for a lead.

As they do every Halloween-time, TV programmer people are unloading a barrage of scary movies this week, and I for one will not be watching any of them. As you might have gleaned from previous things I've written, I do not like being scared. I don't like the dark. I don't like ghosts or anything paranormal -- unless it is a sexy vampire, but that is pushing it people! Call me staid, boring, namby pamby. But if you insist on making me sit through Saw or Hostel or even the vintage shiz like The Exorcist and, like, Friday the 13th, you will have only yourself to blame when I pee on your couch.

I've culled a few of this week's spooky offerings from my trusty TV schedule and come up with fitting alternatives to the horror pics in an effort to combat the shrieky, jittery feelings I get when confronted with the likes of Jason, Freddy, Chuckie and Satan. If you're like me, you'll appreciate this little round-up. And if you're not, you'll enjoy laughing at my wussy ass. If anyone's looking for me, I'll be hiding under my blanket from now til November 1st with my arsenal of rom-com DVDs.

There are a few things you need to know about tomatoes:
1. They are a fruit, not a vegetable.
2. If they turn murderous on you, you can save yourself by playing really terrible music.
3. A comic book based on the 1978 cult favorite Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is hitting shelves tomorrow.
4. Proving you can't keep a bad tomato down, a remake of the same movie is due out next year.
Ready for another helping? Grab your salt shaker and pull up a seat.

Just in case you're not reading our DVDs Unwrapped blog, we thought we'd clue you in on the latest DVDs we've gotten the chance to review. Sadly, we were turned down for a review copy of Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter, but we'll keep trying.

Journey to the Center of the Earth -- Possibly the greatest 3-D movie made entirely to show off the wonders of 3-D you'll see this year. Of course, it's no The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D, but then, what is?

The Strangers -- When Dave Chappelle (dressed as Lil Jon) talked about giving himself "a stranger," I don't think he meant breaking into his own home and terrorizing himself for the better part of a night. But maybe he did. We don't know his life!

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull -- Love it or loathe it, this is an out-of-this-world DVD set. Above and beyond. To the moon, Alice. In other words, it may have been created by aliens.

The Incredible Hulk -- A pretty incredible collection of extras, including an alternate opening where you can see Captain America stuck in a block of ice. Be prepared to "freeze"-frame. Get it?

Sleeping Beauty: 50th Anniversary Edition -- It's the newest edition of the Disney classic, straight outta the vaults and fully restored with bonus songs and some sweet documentaries. Fun for a girl or a boy! (Boys, be prepared to fast-forward.)

Check out more DVD reviews in DVDs Unwrapped!