Somebody please stop those kids from The Hills. And the ones from Laguna Beach and all those other reality shows I can't think of right now whose "stars" taunt me from the tabloid racks in check-out aisles and the entertainment magazines I read when I should be working. They need to be stopped. Because when I report movie news on Thursdays, and they start popping up in there, I start craving cocktails well before 5:00 pm in the middle of the week, and I really don't want to sit around the circle in rehab muttering about Spencer and Heidi. Stop them now, you guys, because I just found out that Audrina Patridge got cast opposite Carrie Fisher and Jamie Chung in a remake of the 1983 horror flick The House on Sorority Row. I also just found out that by California law, you can totally go out and buy a six pack at 8:30 in the morning.

Remember John Carpenter's The Thing? That's right, the movie that for a time made people just a little bit suspicious of their own dogs, blood tests, and Wilford Brimley. Earlier this year, seeming confirmation of a long-rumored remake caused something of a stir among devoted fans of the original. Well, rest easy, lovers of the decapitated-head-spider! Director Marc Abraham recently told Latino Review that it's not a remake, after all. He also says that it's "'more of a prequel than a sequel'" and that it will be about "'the events leading up to the 1982 film.'"

In a move that signifies another step in a sea change in the comics-to-film industry, a new filmmaking entity, Framelight Prods, has launched with the mission of adapting comics into film collaboratively. Producer Jeffrey Erb and entrepeneur Robert Robinson Jr. "don't want to traditionally option a title; we want to partner with the creator on every aspect of the production," said Robinson in The Hollywood Reporter. ...In other words, they're borrowing a page from Marvel's recent film arm, instead of separating the filmmaking process from the comic book creators.

You can learn a lot from Danny Boyle's movies. From 28 Days Later, there's an important lesson to be learned about the dangers of drinking too much sugary soda and the benefits of irradiating fruit. From Sunshine, viewers learned not to name their solar mission spaceships after mythological Greek characters who died because they flew too close to the sun. Hell, I learned more from Trainspotting than I did from a straight decade of being told to "Just say no!" Now, if Boyle gets his way, fans might get to learn how to sing and dance, because, as the maverick director tells MTV, he "would love to do a musical." What a coincidence. I'd love for him to do a musical, too!

If you weren't one of the people who was totally befuddled by The Fountain, then you're probably waiting with bated breath for director Darren Aronofsky's next picture. Pi and Requiem for a Dream established Aronofsky as a major talent, and his next picture -- with its combination of mainstream subject matter, amazingly talented actors and Marisa Tomei stripping -- is sure to take the country by storm. That's probably why Fox Searchlight outbid all comers at the Toronto International Film Festival for the rights to distribute The Wrestler, which only last week won the Golden Lion in Venice. (Man, I wish I had a gold lion.)

It's like someone opened up the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis, chanted a little something, and not one but two new possible Evil Dead projects popped out to possess unsuspecting audiences. Zach recently posted about the prospects of a fourth outing with Ash Williams and his demon-obliterating weapon of choice. Thanks to Screen Daily, today I bring you news of Evil Dead: The Musical. According to the article, producer Don Carmody and his partners are in negotiations to make a movie version of the Canadian and off-Broadway stage musical based on the Raimi films.

I don't think anyone would call Guillermo del Toro a fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants kind of guy. He's definitely a planner. So much of one, in fact, that his professional calendar is booked through 2017. Currently -- and for the next five years -- knee-deep in The Hobbit, del Toro signed a three-year first-look deal with Universal in June of last year that will pick up after the epic New Line/Miramax project is finished.

Indiana Jones: 66. Rambo: 62. John McClane: 53. Ash Williams: 50. When it comes to aging action figures, Ash is still in comparatively good shape, which is why actor Bruce Campbell is ready to strap the boomstick back on for Evil Dead 4. Despite the fact that it's been 16 years since the last Dead movie, Army of Darkness, came out, Campbell thinks that Ash still has the war against the deadites well in hand --- er, chainsaw.

As much as I love Monty Python, I rarely enjoy Terry Gilliam's movies. Since Python disbanded, Gilliam seems to have waged a one-man crusade to invent new cinematic ways to get on my last nerve. Time Bandits is the sole exception, even if its last line, "Don't touch that, it's EVIL!" is what women yell at their friends whenever I try to talk to them. Since 1981, when the film was released, there's been talk of a sequel. First it was a film, then a series of TV movies, then, apparently, a comic book. Now it's nothing. With the demise of Virgin Comics, it looks like the Time Bandits sequel is officially dead. I'm disappointed. It was the one time I was looking forward to seeing if Gilliam would find a new way to my nerves.

Today on The Odie Winfrey Show: Celebrities Whose Post-Oscar Movie Choices Have Really Sucked. Just because you win an Oscar doesn't mean that the rest of your work is going to be Oscar caliber! Remember, Joan Crawford's Oscar win for Mildred Pierce didn't stop her from making Trog! Today, our panel of shamed stars, whom Dr. Phil will be momentarily coming out to slap, include Cuba Gooding Jr., Halle Berry, Charlize Theron and Halle's Monster's Ball co-star, Billy Bob Thornton. Rumor has it that Billy Bob is exchanging his Kaiser Blade for Krueger Blades. That's right, girlfriend! Billy Bob Thornton might be the new Freddy in Michael Bay's production company's remake of Nightmare on Elm Street! (Audience gasps, followed by thunderous applause.)