BLOGS

I Want My DVD: Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Complications have arisen! Namely, that our sunset years are looking less like On Golden Pond and more like a Jennifer Lopez movie. And not Out of Sight, either.

It's Complicated
Psst! Hey! Old people can totally flirt and have sex, as well as cheat on their spouses and boyfriends with their exes. Just thought you should know, in case you were hoping your life would get less like a screwball romantic comedy in your old age. Also, your kids will grow up to look like John Krasinski. No, boys and girls! That's the scary part! You may want to end it all now, and spare yourself the agony. If you have yet to enter the Along Came Polly phase, that's all the more reason to bail early. (Also available via Movies on Demand this week.)

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Oh, Terry Gilliam, someday you'll be able to finish a film before something catastrophic happens. And on that day, you will no longer be able to make excuses about why it isn't as good as Time Bandits. Not that anything can really be that good ever again.

District 13: Ultimatum
Parkour! As much as that episode of The Office where Jim, Dwight and Andy jump off of buildings makes us laugh, our worst nightmare is someone eventually making a comedy version of a parkour movie like this one. How many times can someone humorously pogo off of a dumpster and through a window? As many times as 90 minutes will allow.

The Descent: Part 2
What? "Part 2"? That's the best they've got? I've got six different, superior subtitle suggestions that would elevate that simple title to greatness. Back in the Hole, Get Lower, Deeper and Deeper, Tunnel of Blood, To Cave and Cave Not, Spelunkin' Boogaloo... need I go on? No? I should stop? Well, maybe they'll use one of those for Descent 3: Third Time's the Harm! (No, seriously, there's going to be a third one. That subtitle is all me, though.)

Disgrace
John Malkovich delivers an acclaimed performance as a South African English professor who is disgraced when he has an inappropriate relationship with a student, then moves out into the bush, where things are even more disgraceful.

Ride With the Devil (Criterion Collection)
Ang Lee added 12 minutes to the director's cut of this 1999 cowboy movie, and you just know what'll happen in those 12 minutes. That's right, some hardcore additional backstory and hot, plot-clarifying expositional scenes. Awwwww yeah.

Also out this week:
Megapiranha When you're trying to catch a mega fish, you need mega bait. Namely, Tiffany.
The Buddha Narrated by Richard Gere in between making movies about loyal puppies.
Five Minutes of Heaven Five minutes in heaven with Liam Neeson?! Sign us-- oh. The IRA, huh? Never mind.
Pride & Prejudice (Restored Edition) Now with more pride! And by that, we mean Colin Firth scowls more.
Cold Turkey Dick Van Dyke stars in this appetizingly titled movie about a town that quits smoking.
Transylmania You do realize that title only invites unfavorable comparisons to Transylvania 6-5000, right?
Life Blood More people will likely see this lesbian vampire movie now that its name is no longer Pearblossom.

To see this week's TV releases, check out TV on DVD!

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