This week, a romance starring Edward Cullen and Claire Littleton goes up against a rom-com starring the Sorceror's Apprentice and the large-breasted nanny from Sex and the City 2. Who will win? Literally everyone involved.
She's Out of My League
While the premise that walking bombshell Alice Eve would be interested in Jay Baruchel -- not even actor Jay Baruchel, but airport security guard Jay Baruchel -- is utterly ludicrous, this goofy comedy does have some occasionally funny moments, many courtesy of T.J. Miller. And it's that occasional display of funny that earned him the highly sought-after role of Ranger Jones in the upcoming Yogi Bear movie. A-tisket, a-tasket, we smell upward career mobility in your basket, Mr. Miller. (Also available via Movies on Demand.)
How could we forget you, Robert Pattinson? You were in those vampire movies! And Harry Potter! This movie, though, where you play an emotional young man with father issues? We might forget about it, eventually. (Also available via Movies on Demand.)
Man, with the success of last year's Best Picture The Hurt Locker, it looked like America had finally turned the corner on films about the Iraq War. But apparently, we were only interested in good Iraq War films. (Also available via Movies on Demand.)
The Good Guy
Not a sequel to The Good Girl. Nor a remake, nor an homage, which makes one wonder why they would use that title so soon after the earlier movie came out. Especially since the phrase is so generic and unmemorable that we had pretty much forgotten this Alexis Bledel film even existed. Why not just call it The Okay Movie?
The Last Station
We don't know much about Leo Tolstoy, but we know what we like, and as far as movies about elderly Russian literary icons go, this one is tops. Great performances by James McAvoy, Helen Mirren, Christopher Plummer and Paul Giamatti certainly help.
If you'd told us that we were going to enjoy the hell out of a movie where Lacey Chabert and Mercedes McNab and their boyfriends flip their truck in the middle of the desert and have to make their way back to civilization, we would have told you you were crazy. But we actually liked it -- even more than The Canyon, starring Yvonne Strahovski, which is about pretty much the same thing. Note: This is not the Thirst that's about vampires. Do not let the presence of Harmony from Buffy fool you.
Why, Ian Somerhalder, why? Were you so upset that you couldn't get a role in The Last Airbender that you felt the need to make this Syfy channel movie about a pyrokinetic prisoner? You're on Vampire Diaries now -- you don't have to do this kind of stuff anymore.
While we're intrigued by the concept of this film, in which implanted timers tick down to the point where you meet your soulmate, we'd be much more interested if they blew up if you didn't get there in time, or if the relationship ended prematurely. "If this relationship drops below 50 smiles an hour, it'll explode!"
Death Race 2000 (Roger Corman's Cult Classics)
Why is it that this outdated 1975 movie still feels more futuristic than the Death Race movie made in 2008? Sorry, Jason Statham, but this is one movie even you cannot improve upon.
A Star Is Born (Deluxe Edition)
We certainly hope that one of the extras on this deluxe edition is a Judy Garland-narrated featurette that gets into the astronomical causes (gravity, hydrogen conversion) behind the creation of actual stars. It'd be the ultimate making-of doc!
Jack and the Beanstalk
Hit Girl and Young Sam Winchester climb a beanstalk with a goose, voiced by Gilbert Gottfried, to fight a giant voiced by James Earl Jones? Also starring Chevy Chase and Christopher Lloyd? This has got to be a fever dream.
The Killer Inside Me
Casey Affleck plays a small-town sheriff with two girlfriends (Jessica Alba and Kate Hudson) and some homicidal tendencies. (Available via IFC On Demand now; also in theaters)
Don't Look Back
Sophie Marceau is slowly turning into Monica Bellucci, and she wants to know why. Hell, we all want to know why. (Available via IFC Festival Direct starting June 23)
To see this week's TV releases, check out TV on DVD!
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