No, I'm not having gastro-intestinal problems. Well, I am, but that's a story for another time. No, by "G.I. Woes," I mean that the G.I. Joe live-action movie, G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, is seemingly going down a very strange, woe-begotten path. (And I don't mean the path to pornography that the film's subtitle implies. Apparently, "Arousal of Python" was already taken.)

A remake of Disney's groundbreaking Tron has been rumored for a long time. As computer graphics improved by leaps and bounds in the years since 1982, it seemed natural to some that there'd be an effort to "reimagine" the original with spiffier animation. As far back as 1999, ZDNet cited an anonymous source as saying "[Pixar] was trying to decide whether to remake the original or create a sequel." This left some fans feeling a little uneasy. The possibility of a remake left a lot of room for capitalizing on nostalgia while paying it no respect. Last September, The Hollywood Reporter announced that a new movie was officially in the works, noting that it was being called "'the next chapter' of Disney's 1982 cult classic." Last night, Comic-Con attendees got confirmation: The new Tron is, indeed, a sequel. And even better, Jeff Bridges is back to star in it.

Watch out, Witchblade -- if you don't pick up the pace, you might not be the first sexy Top Cow comic book character to make it to the big screen, and I might stop obsessively writing stories about you. Even though you've already lined up a writer, director and teaser poster, the Magdalena is coming up close behind you. And while that may sound sexy, it could conceivably give you some competition in the scantily-clad, female evil-fighter category. (God forbid Uwe Boll decides to make another Bloodrayne film, or Barb Wire inexplicably makes a comeback.)

Actually, there are like 9 million reasons to trek to Comic-Con, but in this case we were making a pun. Because as they have at the last two SDCCs, Paramount will be releasing a new Star Trek movie teaser poster -- four of them, to be exact, featuring the new Kirk, Spock, Uhura and...Bruce Banner with facial tattoos?