Dear Miss Bette Davis,

Only you could appreciate me writing you. After all, in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, you sang, "I've written a letter to daddy/His address is Heaven above." I'm sure your address is Heaven above too, but just in case I'm wrong, I'm sending a fireproof version of this letter to my eternal resting place as well. Your biggest fan is here to ask you two favors: Say hi to Barbara Stanwyck for me (hubba hubba!! Sorry...) and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE forgive me for not noticing a crucial detail about your new postage stamp. I wrote about it before, and am using it to mail this letter. Please have a look at it. I know, I know! How could I have missed that you've been censored in it? Your second most famous attribute is missing: They removed Margo Channing's cigarette! Ms. Channing has been castrated by the politically correct post office! Holy Marlboro Man, Miss Davis! Your hand looks as if you should be screaming out "WESSS' SIIIIIIIDE!"

Just in case you're not reading our DVDs Unwrapped blog, we thought we'd clue you in on the latest DVDs we've gotten the chance to review. They're not all the greatest movies, but some of the extras actually make the DVD worth renting. (Note: If you're looking for Blu-ray reviews, go to a Website with deeper pockets. What are we, made out of money?)

Now that The Dark Knight has dropped out of the Top Ten at the box office (after 11 weeks!), it's probably on its way out of the theaters -- not counting, of course, Warner Brothers' plans to re-release it during Oscar season next year. But for those who just want to be able to play it on a constant loop in their homes, the DVD and Blu-Ray will both be out on December 9th, just in time for you to buy it for yourself for Christmas, thereby putting to rest the annual question of what you'll get yourself instead of buying something for your Aunt Selma.

The United States Postal Service has put a lot of people on stamps, from Ella Fitzgerald to Elvis (skinny Elvis for letters, fat Elvis for packages), but they've outdone themselves this time. To the delight of All About Eve fans everywhere, the Post Office has put Margo Channing on a stamp. A first class character for first class mail! I've always fancied myself a sarcastic viper on par with Eve's Addison DeWitt (George Sanders), and since Eve is my all-time favorite movie, the gov'ment's going to get a little more money out of me than they usually do for postage. I'm going to buy a roll of these bad boys. Now I can use the star of The Letter to mail a letter! How meta, I say, but putting Bette Davis on a stamp is as wonderful as it is dangerous. I bet when you lick the stamp, Bette punches you in the mouth.

Are you sitting at work, watching the minutes tick by until you're finally free for the weekend, wondering how you'll occupy yourself for the next two days of work-free bliss? Are you thinking about risking the wrath of your significant other to go see The Dark Knight for the fifteenth time? There's not a lot new coming out this week in theaters. No new comic book hero movies, no new sci-fi epics, and no new horror villains to make you scream... unless you count Nicolas Cage's scary-ass hairdo in Bangkok Dangerous. Screw it. You might as well be a slacker and waste away the weekend on the Internet.

Here are a few things to help your eyes glaze over as you stare at the computer screen:

Product placement has long been a part of the James Bond franchise. Many of Bond's toys are pure technological fiction, usually cooked up by a frequently exasperated Q, but some of the gadgets and toys have real-life counterparts. Which means there's real-life money to be made from them. Variety has come out with a list of some of the brands that will hype Quantum of Solace in ad campaigns, and in turn be hyped by the film. First on the list is a diminutive golden roller skate that remarkably comes equipped with air bags. Oh, wait. No. That's actually the Ka -- Ford's wee European hatchback.

The greatest Marvel superhero movie ever made -- you heard me, Spider-Man -- is coming to DVD. On September 30, you'll be able to get your hands on three different versions of the Iron Man DVD, and like the three different armors he wears in the film, each has bigger and better features than the last. Let's call them Mark 1, 2 and 3. You know, because we're all big nerds. (Well, I am.)

If you look closely at James Franco's T-shirt in Pineapple Express, you'll see that it's one of the most awesome T-shirt designs ever: a shark devouring a kitten. When asked about it in interviews, Franco always credits the design to Pineapple director David Gordon Green, but that apparently isn't the case. T-shirt designers WOWCH created an astoundingly similar design for Urban Outfitters back in 2005, which was apparently tweaked and flipped to create Franco's movie getup. Unless Franco's drug dealer character traded merchandise with the knock-off clothing manufacturer next door, there better be a good explanation for this.

Just when I think they've come up with a marketing ploy that couldn't get any stupider, the advertising world does me one better. Variety is reporting that Prada, who I hear has pretty nice stuff, is releasing nine short films on their website that will tie in with the launch of its new men's fragrance, Infusion d'Homme. No, seriously. They gave nine up-and-coming directors the chance to produce the films by "giving them the creative freedom to express what the perfume visually represented to them." Interestingly enough, none of the films depict an average Joe forking over a large sum of money to get a shot in the arm with a syringe filled with a tiny little man. Maybe my creative interpretations are a bit too literal, but I don't need to smell Infusion d'Homme to come up with that visual.

Having never spent more than $50 on a pair of shoes in my life, I was faced with a crisis of unprecedented proportions when Adidas unveiled a pair of sneakers inspired by Hellboy 2: The Golden Army a couple of months back. Hmm. Pay a few hundred bucks for sneakers I wouldn't want to let touch the floor, or save for my unborn child's education? (Did I mention I really like Hellboy?) I ultimately decided against giving Adidas my money, but now Puma wants my future offspring to grow up dumb, as well.