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You, Ma'am Are No Indiana Jones

by Kasey McDonald September 18, 2008 10:34 am
You, Ma'am Are No Indiana Jones

There's nothing wrong with Nicole Kidman. Okay, there's long been speculation that she has an eating disorder, but otherwise, I'm sure she's a perfectly lovely person, and in many roles, a very talented actress. A very delicate, waif-ey, porcelain-skinned actress who can play any number of dramatic roles, but not one you'd expect to see in an action-adventure film unless she were the damsel-in-distress. (Yeah, like that Batman we're all pretending never happened.) So you can imagine my surprise when it was announced that she'd signed on to produce and star in The Eighth Wonder, an action-adventure pitch from Mr. & Mrs. Smith writer Simon Kinberg. The bit that took me by surprise? The project is described as centering on "an archeological discovery that sets off a globe-spanning race. The aim is to be a grittier and more character-driven version of the Indiana Jones movies."

Nicole Kidman, a grittier Indiana Jones? I'd buy Harrison Ford as a Moulin Rouge courtesan first. If they want to go comparing The Eighth Wonder to Indy, they're just asking for opinionated bloggers such as myself to automatically start comparing character and casting choice. I feel it's my prerogative to point out that Kidman would have been snapped in half in Raiders before Alfred Molina even swatted the spiders off of him. And for those of you thinking "Marion!" Marion Ravenwood was a badass who could drink your drunk uncle under the table, but not only was she the second-billed damsel-in-distress, she got stuck in a wicker basket for 20 minutes. I don't think that's the kind of grit Kinberg's going for.

Honestly, the "globe-spanning race" part intrigues me, and if they hadn't aimed to be a version of Indiana Jones, I'd probably be fairly psyched for the project to start rolling. But henceforth, comparisons are all I'll be able to draw, and instead of a-whip-and-a-sidecar-escape, all I'll see in my head is Kidman trying to escape from the Nazi's by trying to blend into an ecru-painted wall.

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