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Straight Outta Amsterdam

by admin June 25, 2008 10:26 am
Straight Outta Amsterdam

Finally, another reason to go to Amsterdam! You know, besides the culture. Cinema Expo is happening this week in the Dutch city of sin, and the studios are unraveling their 2008-2009 slates for an international crowd. Here's what's been lighting up the message boards:

The big news coming out is that Paramount has unveiled three teaser posters for the G.I. Joe movie. The Baroness, Snake Eyes and Duke each got their own sheet, and the movie got a subtitle, Rise of COBRA. Some are dismissing it as too porno-sounding, but to be fair, most of Cobra's soldiers and vehicles sounded like porn stars or porn films: Big Boa, Black Mamba, Python Patrol, etc. That's what you get when you go with a snake theme. For further proof, look no further than the recent New York Licensing Expo, where Hasbro unveiled Cobra's drill-tipped tunneling vehicle from the movie. Because that's not pornographic at all.

Also, 20th Century Fox got a bunch of stars to show up and pimp their projects:

- Hugh Jackman came in from the recently wrapped X-Men Origins: Wolverine to plug Australia, Baz Luhrmann's ode to Oz. In case you were worried the historical drama wouldn't be as flamboyant as Moulin Rouge, the trailer actually has Nicole Kidman comparing the film to The Wizard of Oz.

- Keanu Reeves came by to warn the citizens of Earth about The Day the Earth Stood Still, Fox's remake of the 1951 sci-fi classic. In the original, the alien Klaatu urges humanity to live in peace, but in the update, Reeves' Klaatu tells everyone to live in harmony with nature. Oh, and to be excellent to each other.

- Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson and a dog came by to shill for Marley & Me, based on the autobiographical novel in which a couple adopts a puppy to save their marriage. You know, this is just what Owen Wilson needs to get his career back on track -- a movie with a dog.

- And finally, Bond girl Olga Kuylenko introduced new footage from Quantum of Solace, the 22nd James Bond film, bowing this November. Unfortunately, no one really paid attention to it, because Olga Kurylenko was on stage. Also, producer Michael G. Wilson was there to explain what the "Quantum of Solace" actually meant, because, you know, even native English speakers have trouble with it. Apparently, it means "measure of comfort," which would have been a much better title for the film. James Bond: The Measure of Comfort. Also, the merchandising possibilities with Sleep Number Beds would be phenomenal. ("What's your sleep number, Mr. Bond?" " 007, beautiful." "Oh, James!")

Regardless, Quantum of Solace is a terrible name for a movie -- I don't care if Ian Fleming made it up himself. Octopussy, on the other hand...now that's a great title.

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