When MGM plunged into financial peril recently, the seemingly indestructible James Bond franchise was temporarily put on hold; it seems to be back on track now, with Daniel Craig returning for a third time as the super-spy, but perhaps some new blood would put the franchise (and MGM) on stronger financial footing? (Remember, Timothy Dalton only got two films, too.) Someone young, popular, maybe with the initials "J.B."... Hey, what about Justin Bieber? The kid is already everywhere, he's got plenty of good years left in him, and he's got some dance moves that could maybe come in useful in a parkour chase through a construction site. Plus, the title of his new concert film, Never Say Never, is already practically a James Bond title. We've plotted out his stint on the Bond franchise for the next decade
The Mall is Not Enough (2012)
While protecting the heiress to the Steak Escape fortune from assassination by a killer who can feel no pain (Justin Timberlake), Bieber uncovers a plot to make Steak Escape the number-one food court restaurant by detonating a nuclear device under Panda Express.
You Only Nap Twice (a Day) (2014)
When a space capsule goes down off the coast of Japan, Bieber undergoes surgery to become Japanese pop singer Biribiri Junichi, allowing him to inconspicuously tour coastal towns and investigate an inactive volcano that may be more than it appears. But when Biribiri becomes as popular as Bieber himself, the mission may become compromised.
A Quantum is a Very Small Amount (2016)
When an attempt is made on the life of Bieber's private tutor, thereby jeopardizing his chances of getting his GED, Bieber goes on a mission of revenge, a mission that requires him to use his high-school-level knowledge of science, geography and history to crash an opera, crash a plane and crash into the fuel tanks at an exclusive hotel, blowing it to smithereens.
For Your Manager's Eyes Only (2018)
After dropping his conniving old manager down a smokestack, Bieber teams up with tourmate Vanessa Hudgens to recover an experimental mixing board, and must choose between two new managers, both of whom are somehow connected to the board's disappearance. Who will be exposed as the thief, and who will get the job?
From Canada With Love (2020)
When Bieber reveals that he's marrying his Canadian girlfriend, Canadian spy Justine Beaver (Saoirse Ronan), she immediately becomes the target of numerous assassination attempts from an army of jealous, Bieber-loving secret agents, dispatched by his fan clubs from every country in the world. Only a stolen universal translation device can call off the assassins and save her life, and Bieber must find it!
Should Bieber play Bond? Of course not, that's ridiculous. But leave your "Kiss Kiss, Bangs Bangs" and "One Less Lonely Gun" jokes in the comments below.
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