BLOGS

Singers We'd Like to See in the Bodyguard Remake, and the Men Who Guard Them

Can you believe it's been almost 20 years since The Bodyguard came out? Whitney Houston was a youngish 29, and not yet crazy, and Kevin Costner played the man hired to keep the threatened pop singer safe. Well, now plans to remake the movie have resurfaced, and Warner Bros. is looking to cast an international pop star in the lead role. While Rihanna was suggested for the part almost two years ago, nobody is attached to this new iteration, so we thought we'd envision how the story might be tailored to today's biggest stars, and who might be hired to protect them.

Katy Perry
Plot:
A sexually provocative superstar is used to getting scandalous fan mail, but when one fan, a straggly-haired British comedian, starts to get a little too descriptive in his letters, she realizes she's being stalked. After a close call while promoting her latest album at a Pay-Per-View wrestling match, in which the stalker is scared off by the reigning champion, she convinces the league's owner to loan the wrestler out as her bodyguard for the remainder of her tour. At first, he's resentful, but eventually headlocks give way to liplocks.
Bodyguard: The Rock

Beyoncé
Plot:
International singing sensation Beyoncé is getting threatening letters, and she thinks they might be from one of the girls she used to be in a group with. But is it the gospel singer who recently did a celebrity dancing show, or the failed actress who just got fired from her judging gig on a reality show? With a big concert fast approaching, Beyoncé's new ex-black-ops bodyguard has only 24 hours to figure it out, and somebody's getting their head sawed off.
Bodyguard: Kiefer Sutherland

Lady Gaga
Plot:
First her meat dress was poisoned. Then her sunglasses were replaced with a pair made entirely out of lit cigarettes. But when her cuckoo clock dress tried to peck her to death, it became more than a coincidence -- someone was trying to kill Lady Gaga. Probably her costume designer. But her street-smart British chauffeur isn't gonna let that happen.
Bodyguard: Jason Statham

Ke$ha
Plot:
After a hard-partying young singer is pulled out of one too many flophouses or koi ponds or stranger's bathtubs, her manager decides that she needs a bodyguard to protect her... from herself! The eyepatch-wearing, no-nonsense ex-cop he hires is no stranger to drinkers and their demons, and he'll keep Ke$ha on the wagon until her big TV performance, even if he has to chain her to a radiator.
Bodyguard: Samuel L. Jackson

Nicki Minaj
Plot:
Up-and-coming rapper Minaj is heading to the top of the charts, and she's stepping on all of her competition along the way. Things are starting to get hot for her, but unfortunately, she's started so many beefs with so many respected rappers that she can't trust any of the guards she's hired from the streets. So she hires the whitest, least street-savvy bodyguard she can find, and the clash of cultures quickly creates sparks.
Bodyguard: Ryan Reynolds

Miley Cyrus
Plot:
Worried that his pop-starlet daughter is being corrupted by her bad-influence friends, a washed-up country singer puts on a bad wig and a fake goatee and goes undercover as her new bodyguard. In keeping her safe from drugs, lotharios and her crazed fans, he discovers the father-daughter relationship he never had.
Bodyguard: Billy Ray Cyrus

Rihanna
Plot:
After a fight with her rapper boyfriend, singer Rihanna agrees to testify against him in court, but her ex's crew wants to make sure she doesn't get there. Unhappy with her police protection, she hires the best bodyguard in the business, a shy, soft-spoken former rapper who vowed to never rap in public again due to some mysterious tragedy in his past.
Bodyguard: Andy Samberg

Christina Aguilera
Plot:
When her burlesque show at a metropolitan nightclub becomes the talk of the town, a fresh-off-the-farm diva-in-training discovers that her predecessors didn't leave town -- they disappeared. Somebody is killing the club's star performers, and now the singer is contemplating leaving the show to save her life. To save the girl, the show and his club, the flamboyant owner/stage manager starts taking martial arts and shooting lessons, and quickly becomes the most fabulous bodyguard in history.
Bodyguard: Stanley Tucci

Bruno Mars
Plot:
As the popularity of a soulful crooner increases, so does the enthusiasm of his fans. The mobs of smitten female fans are getting out of control, and his male bodyguards' reluctance to use force is putting his life at risk. Realizing the problem, he puts a call out for a female bodyguard, and finds a former boxer who's not afraid to throw an elbow at a bitch to get her client safely into a limo. But will she still be able to be heartless... when his music touches her heart?
Bodyguard: Michelle Rodriguez

What singer-actor pairing would you like to see in the remake? Let us know below, then see our casting ideas for the Disney princesses.

What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

MOST RECENT POSTS

BLOG ARCHIVES

Movies Without Pity

December 2013

1 ENTRIES

November 2013

1 ENTRIES

September 2013

1 ENTRIES

June 2013

1 ENTRIES

May 2013

1 ENTRIES

July 2012

1 ENTRIES

June 2012

2 ENTRIES

The Latest Activity On TwOP