2012 Foretells Apocalypse It's Destined To Bring About

Some of you may be familiar with the old trivia that the Mayan calendar ends in the year 2012 (on December 12th, to be exact) and that many predict the world's end will come with it. It's not a new theory -- scientists have been studying it since the beginning of the last century -- so it 's a bit of a surprise that it's taken this long for someone to make an apocalyptic movie based on the premise. Roland Emmerich, the director behind the tragically bad 10,000 BC is in preproduction on, wait for it... 2012.

Grown Ups 2: Nothing Will Ever Be Funny Again

by admin July 12, 2013 6:26 am
Grown Ups 2: Nothing Will Ever Be Funny Again

I just want to make it clear I have never voluntarily seen a Kevin James movie before I watched Grown Ups. I feel it's important that I disclose this in order to maintain my integrity as a movie buff and as a human being.

Identity Thief: Five Reasons Not to See this Movie

by admin February 8, 2013 12:51 pm
Identity Thief: Five Reasons Not to See this Movie

I find few things more frustrating than wasted potential and director Seth Gordon (Horrible Bosses) has such a mess on his hands with Identity Thief, despite committed leads Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy, that Wasted Potential may as well be the alternate title for this movie. Even the premise seems straightforward enough of a vehicle to get us to the raunchy jokes and slapstick humor we're to expect of this kind of comedy -- a mild-mannered Colorado-based businessman, Sandy Patterson (Bateman), travels to Florida to confront Diana (McCarthy), the psychotic woman who has stolen his identity and maxed out his credit card -- but the set-up is held back with so many inconsistencies that asking us to suspend disbelief for the first 30 minutes of the film (and intervals of ten minutes throughout) in order to get Bateman and McCarthy on a cross-country road trip that serves as an inward journey for them both is too much to bear.

Smashed: Five Things This Movie is Not

by admin October 12, 2012 6:00 am
Smashed: Five Things This Movie is Not

Based on the actors -- Breaking Bad's Aaron Paul, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World's Mary Elizabeth Winstead, The Help's Octavia Spencer and royal comedy couple Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally -- Smashed sounds like indie movie gold. Writer/Director newcomer James Ponsoldt and his co-writer Susan Burke even debuted the film at Sundance and won the U.S. Dramatic Special Jury Prize for Excellence in Independent Film Producing. Unfortunately though, unless you're going into the film with fairly low expectations, you'll be sorely disappointed. To get you ready for what's to come, here are five things Smashed certainly is not.

Five Reasons Not to Dread Dredd

by admin September 21, 2012 6:02 am
Five Reasons Not to Dread Dredd

It's understandable if your reaction to the news that a new Judge Dredd movie was coming out would be "Why?" followed by "Wait... who?" After all, it's not like most stateside audiences have been readily exposed the titular futuristic lawman/executioner, who has been a star on the British comics scene since his introduction in 1977. And practically nobody remembers Hollywood's first attempt to turn the comic into a cross-platform property, the 1995 flop Judge Dredd, which paired a scowling Sylvester Stallone with a hyperactive Rob Schneider. With all that apathy working against it, this franchise reboot -- simply titled Dredd -- seems doomed from the get-go, a movie that a majority of moviegoers neither demanded nor needed.

Ten Things to Remember About the Total Recall Remake

As I write this, it's been roughly 24 hours since I walked out of the Total Recall remake and damned if I can remember a thing about it. Actually, my memory started to fail me before the movie was even over; after a decent first half-hour, the Len Wiseman-update of Paul Verhoeven's enjoyably silly 1990 original grew less and less interesting. By the final act, I was so bored that I could barely remember what movie I was watching; based on what was happening onscreen, it may as well have been called Generic Sci- Fi Action Movie Starring Colin Farrell instead of Total Recall.

Safe: It Ain't Kid Stuff

by admin April 27, 2012 5:59 am
Safe: It Ain't Kid Stuff

There comes a point in the life cycle of every muscle-bound male action hero when he feels compelled to make a movie where he plays protector to one or more young kids. Harrison Ford did it in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Chuck Norris did it in Missing in Action III, Arnold Schwarzenegger did it in Terminator 2 (and, to a lesser extent, in Kindergarten Cop) and Jean-Claude Van Damme did it in Nowhere to Run. Heck, even Jason Statham did it once before in The Transporter 2 and that went over so well, now he's back for a second round.

Safe: It Ain’t Kid Stuff

by admin April 27, 2012 5:59 am
Safe: It Ain’t Kid Stuff

There comes a point in the life cycle of every muscle-bound male action hero when he feels compelled to make a movie where he plays protector to one or more young kids. Harrison Ford did it in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Chuck Norris did it in Missing in Action III, Arnold Schwarzenegger did it in Terminator 2 (and, to a lesser extent, in Kindergarten Cop) and Jean-Claude Van Damme did it in Nowhere to Run. Heck, even Jason Statham did it once before in The Transporter 2 and that went over so well, now he's back for a second round.

The Three Stooges: Don't Be a Wise Guy

by admin April 13, 2012 6:00 am
The Three Stooges: Don't Be a Wise Guy

There are so many questions we can ask about the very existence of a Three Stooges reboot in 2012. But rather than wax philosophical and for the umpteenth time make fun of the pointlessness of this film or analyze its quality in the context of the decades it took the Farrelly Brothers to make it, let's get right to it: It's not that bad. It's certainly not worth going out of your way for, unless, of course, you truly love the Stooges, know someone who has a deep affinity for them or have a curious child who is just dying to see it. And if you do find yourself with a hankering to see Moe (Chris Diamantopoulos), Larry (Sean Hayes) and Curly (Will Sasso) on a '90s kids-movie style adventure (complete with evil villains and a fight with a lion!), here are three solid reasons to indulge:

The Three Stooges: Don’t Be a Wise Guy

by admin April 13, 2012 6:00 am
The Three Stooges: Don’t Be a Wise Guy

There are so many questions we can ask about the very existence of a Three Stooges reboot in 2012. But rather than wax philosophical and for the umpteenth time make fun of the pointlessness of this film or analyze its quality in the context of the decades it took the Farrelly Brothers to make it, let's get right to it: It's not that bad. It's certainly not worth going out of your way for, unless, of course, you truly love the Stooges, know someone who has a deep affinity for them or have a curious child who is just dying to see it. And if you do find yourself with a hankering to see Moe (Chris Diamantopoulos), Larry (Sean Hayes) and Curly (Will Sasso) on a '90s kids-movie style adventure (complete with evil villains and a fight with a lion!), here are three solid reasons to indulge:

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