Knowing: You’ve Probably Seen All the Good Parts Already

by Mindy Monez March 18, 2009 12:50 pm
<I>Knowing</I>: You’ve Probably Seen All the Good Parts Already This movie weekend is surprisingly balanced with different kinds of movies opening. Great job, Hollywood! High five Ari Gold for me! You've got I Love You, Man for laughing, Duplicity for knowing what a farce not dissimilar to professional espionage that romance is, and Knowing for knowing that the world is an unavoidable ticking time bomb of doom and destruction.

Quick Knowing plot synopsis: Nicolas Cage plays a man of science whose young son digs up a 50-year-old time capsule that predicts the dates and death tolls of impending disasters (because of how worthwhile things are always being put in time capsules) and Cage has to stop something called "The Whisper People" who look like Krycek with a Spike dye job from ending the world. The trailer feels really Shyamalan-y with the whole there's an event happening and a man who sees no meaning in the world is taught that the world is lousy with meaning and he has to get it together to save his family and stop the world from ending thing. But really -- if the damn world is ending and there are supernatural albino fake Kryceks whispering around perpetrating it, what's Captain Corelli's Mandolin going to do about it? Make out with Penelope Cruz and hope the Nazis don't see? If that is the twist ending of the film and I just spoiled it for you I apologize. I should have written that down and put in a time capsule instead. I know that now. I have learned my lesson. Anyway, I watched the whole trailer and this movie looks a lot like these other movies:

81st Academy Awards Nominees Announced, Surprises Abound

by Zach Oat January 22, 2009 9:44 am
81st Academy Awards Nominees Announced, Surprises Abound

Since he wasn't getting a nomination for Vantage Point this year, Oscar winner Forest Whitaker joined Academy president Sid Ganis this morning to help announce the nominees for this year's Academy Awards. And while there were a lot of familiar faces on the list, there were also a few nice surprises. Here's hoping they all show up.

10 Reasons <I>Notorious</I> is Even Less Vital to Your Life Than <I>8 Mile</I> Was

With rare exceptions (like Control and, oh, I don't know, the masterpiece that is Selena), biopics are usually just straightforward, throwaway, lie-filled award bait. That's all fine and harmless, but it still doesn't change the fact that almost every single biopic is exactly the same, and that the marketing for each of them doesn't even remotely try to disguise this. Which is weird, because it's not like the moviegoing public as a whole is like, devoted to the "humble beginnings/wows a label guy on a chance meeting/gets famous/fame ruins his life/is redeemed at the end" formula or anything. Certainly not in the way they are with romantic comedy and horror conventions, anyway. But hey, I'm not a focus group runner, so I can't be sure.

SAG Awards Nominations: Cate Blanchett's Gonna Shiv Somebody!

by Mindy Monez December 18, 2008 10:57 am
SAG Awards Nominations: Cate Blanchett's Gonna Shiv Somebody! The SAG Awards are fun because they're light and fluffy and just about acting and not any real movie jobs like writing or directing. On the other hand, who gives a shit about acting? Anyway, several people were nominated for this award today, and almost all of them are quite famous. I'm here to tell you who and what's what about it.

Kevin Smith Makes More Pornos?

by Angel Cohn October 31, 2008 3:53 pm
Kevin Smith Makes More Pornos?

So Kevin Smith's newest movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, is about two friends who make a porno to earn some cash. Seems simple enough, and since we've got nothing but time on our hands and dirty thoughts running through our minds, we got to wondering what it would be like if all Kevin Smith's films were porn films instead of the slightly perverse films that they are. In some cases, it really wasn't that hard. (Haha... we said hard.)

The Dirtiest Non-Porn Movie Titles Ever

by Zach Oat September 4, 2008 4:41 pm
The Dirtiest Non-Porn Movie Titles Ever

Yes, we know it's the name of a city in Thailand. Yes, we realize that the phrase could easily refer to the hazards of being a professional hitman in that city, or perhaps that section of the city where it simply isn't safe to go walking late at night. Still, we can't help but snicker every time we hear the film title Bangkok Dangerous, because it sounds like someone is engaging in risky sexual practices with a Thai hooker. Also, we're, like, 13 years old, emotionally. Anyway, the release of the Pang Brothers' remake of their own 1999 film of the same name got us thinking about other movie titles that make us giggle like 7th-graders for their sexual innuendo. Here are the ten most titter-inducing that aren't actually pornographic films.

Pornos Are Funny! A Zack and Miri Preview

by Lauren Gitlin September 3, 2008 2:14 pm
Pornos Are Funny! A <i>Zack and Miri</i> Preview Have you guys watched the effing Red Band trailer for Zack and Miri Make a Porno yet? No? What the hell are you doing reading this post? Go! Go watch it!

Omg OK, so you watched it. Can we discuss why this looks So. Frigging. Awesome?!

Two Gnomes Walk Into A Shakespeare Play…

by Kasey McDonald August 21, 2008 3:08 pm
Two Gnomes Walk Into A Shakespeare Play…

Hollywood has always loved Shakespeare. I mean, hard not to, right? But they do Shakespeare a lot. If it's not a direct adaptation of a play for the screen, it's one of those "retellings." Now, I won't say that the upcoming project Gnomeo and Juliet is the weirdest of the Shakespeare-inspired films out there, because there have been some really bizarre ones, but it's up there. Produced by Elton John, the animated film will tell the story of two gnomes from rival gardens who fall in love, sing Elton John classics, and try to help you save money on your next vacation. One of those things isn't true. I'll let you pick which it is.

Zach and Mimi Make an (R-rated) Porno

by Odie Henderson August 6, 2008 9:46 am
Zach and Mimi Make an (R-rated) Porno Since its inception in 1990, the MPAA has slapped the NC-17 on several undeserving movies. It has also withheld said application on more deserving films, either due to public fear or corporate pressure. Both cases yield ridiculous results. For example, Martin Lawrence's comedy concert film, You So Crazy, is rated NC-17, yet Mel Gibson's The Passion is rated R. One film spends 90 minutes talking about crap, Prince and getting a piece, the other spends over two hours beating the crap out of the Prince of Peace. Actions speak louder than words, and should be rated as such. If I go on a date, and we spend the evening talking, that's R (for profanity and sex-related begging). If I'm invited upstairs "for coffee" at the end of the date, that's NC-17 (for graphic sexu--oh, who am I kidding--for brief sexuality and extreme charity). Kevin Smith probably used a similar example when the MPAA rated his actionless film Clerks NC-17. He had more 'splainin' to do than Lucy Ricardo, however, when they slapped the dreaded rating on his latest, Zach and Mimi Make A Porno.

Hellboy II: All Plot, No Action

by DeAnn Welker July 10, 2008 12:55 pm
<i>Hellboy II</i>: All Plot, No Action You know how sometimes something is so unexpectedly magical that it completely catches you off-guard and leaves you wanting more?

Well, that's how many people reacted to the first Hellboy movie: It was a wonderful addition to the genres of comic book and superhero movies, because it was those things and more. Hellboy wasn't really a superhero so much as a demon, after all, so it had that element. And it was funny, because Hellboy had a thing for cats, and loved watching TV and eating Baby Ruth bars.

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