It's taken 27 years, but Hollywood finally got around to making another Conan movie. Since the original big-screen Cimmerian barbarian is currently in exile following a detour into politics and a series of personal troubles, Conan's sword has been passed to a new slab of beefcake, Jason Momoa. The Hawaiian-born actor has a fair amount of experience playing muscle-bound warriors with superb fighting skills and great hair -- check out his work on the TV shows Stargate Atlantis and Game of Thrones for proof. And if the new Conan flops, there are plenty of other '80s fantasy franchises in need of a revival that Momoa would be a good fit for. Because, let's be honest: we're all kinda tired of these girlyman action heroes, right?
Premise: Kidnapped from his mother's womb by an evil witch, the princely offspring of a far-off land's royal family is raised in secret by a lowly peasant and discovers that he has the power to telepathically communicate with animals. As a grown man, he embarks on a mission to take revenge on the gang of warriors that slaughter his adopted father.
Original Star: Marc Singer
Why Momoa? Because it would be hilarious to see him carry on a stimulating conversation with his horse. Bonus points if we actually get to hear the horse talk back, preferably in the dulcet tones of Samuel L. Jackson.
Suggested Co-Stars: Dwayne Johnson as the Beastmaster's peasant parent, Susan Sarandon as the witch and Simon Pegg and Nick Frost as a pair of wisecracking ferrets.
Premise: A powerful alien army led by a monstrous beast has landed on the distant planet Krull, forcing Prince Colwyn to defend his kingdom and rescue his new bride with the help of a bad-ass star-shaped weapon and motley crew of accomplices that includes a shape-shifter and a cyclops.
Original Star: Ken Marshall
Why Momoa? Because after playing so many seasoned ass-kickers, it would be interesting to watch him portray a prince that has to work at being a hero.
Suggested Co-Stars: Rosario Dawson as the princess, Paul Bettany as the shape-shifter and Brian Cox as the voice of the Beast.
Premise: A football player is zapped to another galaxy alongside intrepid gal pal Dale Arden and does battle with Ming the Merciless, the cruel dictator of the planet Mongo.
Original Star: Sam J. Jones. (Of the 1980 film version anyway -- several other Flashes preceded him in old movie serials and on TV.)
Why Momoa? Because he's occasionally demonstrated the right kind of self-deprecating wit for the jovial, joking adventurer that is Flash Gordon.
Suggested Co-Stars: Rachel McAdams as Dale and Michael Chiklis as Ming. Also, Swizz Beatz should be brought onboard to update that classic Queen score.
Premise: A sorcerer's apprentice takes it upon himself to rid his land of a pesky dragon that's causing problems for everyone.
Original Star: Peter MacNicol
Why Momoa? Because at 6' 4", he's an obvious upgrade over the short, reedy McNicol.
Suggested Co-Stars: Patrick Stewart as his wizarding instructor and Emma Stone as the sarcastic princess that functions as both love interest and virginal dragon bait.
Ator, The Fighting Eagle
Premise: After learning that it's okay to have romantic feelings for his sister because he's adopted, the titular warrior has to rescue the poor girl from the clutches of a cult of spider worshippers.
Original Star: Miles O'Keefe
Why Momoa? Because who better to star in what was intended to be a spoof of Conan than Conan himself?
Suggested Co-Stars: Michelle Rodriguez as Ator's beloved sister and Adrien Brody as the leader of the spider cult.
The Sword and the Sorcerer
Premise: The son of a deposed king flees his royal home before he's killed by a powerful sorcerer, but returns eleven years later to claim his revenge armed with his trusty three-bladed sword.
Original Star: Lee Horsley
Why Momoa? The "this time it's personal" storyline would afford him plenty of chances to show off his formidable scowl.
Suggested Co-Stars: Ian McKellen as the sorcerer, just so we can all make the "When Good Gandalfs Go Bad!" joke.
Premise: Immortal swordsmen spend centuries trying to decapitate each other because -- say it with me now -- "There can be only one."
Original Star: Christopher Lambert.
Why Momoa? If you're placing bets on who'll be the last man standing in this lengthy battle, Momoa's size and past blade experience makes him the obvious candidate.
Suggested Co-Stars: Ron Perlman as his nemesis the Kurgan and Billy Connolly in fellow Scotsman Sean Connery's old role as a helpful mentor.
Premise: When the Lord of Darkness hatches a plot to plunge the planet into eternal night, a resourceful forest dweller named Jack o' The Green is forced to stop him.
Original Star: Tom Cruise
Why Momoa? Because he'd fill out Jack's earth-colored tunic more successfully than the diminutive Cruise.
Suggested Co-Stars: Christian Bale as the Lord of Darkness, provided he doesn't use his ridiculous Batman growl.
Masters of the Universe
Premise: He-Man fights Skeletor. The end.
Original Star: Dolph Lundgren
Why Momoa? If there's any contemporary actor with the charisma and the pecs to play He-Man, it's him.
Suggested Co-Stars: The Internet has already christened Marc Anthony as Skeletor and the Internet is never wrong. In addition, we'd nominate Hugo Weaving as Man-E-Faces, Vin Diesel as Man-At-Arms and Tobey Maguire as Orco.
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