BLOGS

Jackass 3-D: Are Bowel Movements What 3-D Technology Has Come To?

After a long life as a cheap horror-movie gimmick, 3-D has experienced a second act as a way to add thrills (and box-office heft) to a big-budget event picture. But as the high-profile side of 3-D descends into political debate (to convert or not to convert?), Hollywood continued to crank out low-budget 3-D schlock like My Bloody Valentine 3-D and Piranha 3-D. Well, we've officially found something lower than 3-D schlock: Jackass 3-D has given us the world's first 3-D crap. Literally.

When Polaroid's Edwin H. Land first polarized the lenses for 3-D glasses back in 1937, he probably wasn't thinking that his technology would be used to show a man taking an explosive inverted dump in 2010. The feces volcano, which launches its payload three feet in the air, is one of the most horrific scenes in J3D, right above the Port-a-Potty slingshot and the look on Danger Ehren's face after he gets his tooth yanked out by a Lamborghini. (He appears to be traumatized for life.) The rest of the scenes mostly involve peeing, sucker punches, animal attacks, people getting hit in the face with balls and balls getting hit by other things. And although not all of these moments were filmed in 3-D, you'd have to stop wincing at the testicular damage to notice the difference.

Which makes me wonder why they even bothered filming any of it in 3-D at all. Does seeing a dildo shot out of a gun towards the camera in slow-motion and 3-D make it more hilarious than if it'd just been in slow-motion? Of course not. It's still a flying dildo, shot out of a gun. The 3-D isn't adding anything to the experience, is what I'm saying, so what's the point, aside from being able to charge me an extra four bucks? (Oh... right.) But then, Tron: Legacy has been the lone standout for me among all of the various projects that are scheduled to be released in 3-D, so I'd be perfectly fine with pulling back on the number of movies that get the treatment to one per studio per year. That should be enough to guarantee that no one ever films a bowel movement in 3-D again, and that the next time we see guest jackasses Spike Jonze and Seann William Scott in three dimensions, it's for their special-effects-heavy collaboration, Dude, Where Are My Wild Things?

If you dare, watch an in-depth interview with the Jackass boys.

Did you see Jackass 3-D? Let us know what you thought below, then check out our reviews of RED, Conviction and Hereafter!

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