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The Dirtiest Non-Porn Movie Titles Ever

by Zach Oat September 4, 2008 4:41 pm
The Dirtiest Non-Porn Movie Titles Ever

Yes, we know it's the name of a city in Thailand. Yes, we realize that the phrase could easily refer to the hazards of being a professional hitman in that city, or perhaps that section of the city where it simply isn't safe to go walking late at night. Still, we can't help but snicker every time we hear the film title Bangkok Dangerous, because it sounds like someone is engaging in risky sexual practices with a Thai hooker. Also, we're, like, 13 years old, emotionally. Anyway, the release of the Pang Brothers' remake of their own 1999 film of the same name got us thinking about other movie titles that make us giggle like 7th-graders for their sexual innuendo. Here are the ten most titter-inducing that aren't actually pornographic films.

Octopussy (1983)
The word "pussy" was thrown around plenty in the 1960s -- Goldfinger's Pussy Galore, What's New Pussycat? -- but by 1983 it was pushing the limits for a mainstream movie. Still, something about this James Bond title makes us laugh, and not the fact that Roger Moore dresses like a clown in the film. It might be that a grown woman goes by the nickname "Octopussy" because her father liked octopi -- we don't know which one of them chose the nickname, but either would be weird, and we keep conjuring horrific images of how her hey-nonny-nonny might resemble an octopus. (Fun Fact: In the Ian Fleming story the name comes from, "Octopussy" is the name of a pet octopus, which is only slightly less creepy.)

Hancock (2008)
In this blockbuster tale, Will Smith's titular, super-powered homeless person gets his name from a very simple source: when asked to give his John Hancock (a.k.a. his signature), an amnesiac Smith thinks that's his name. But when you remove the "John" part, the word sounds less like one of the co-signers of the Declaration of Independence and more like two parts of the human anatomy that have a long, long friendship. It's also funny that they changed the movie's title to this; the original name was the even more dirty Tonight He Comes. Well, with all the Hancocking going on, we wouldn't be surprised.

Spank the Monkey (1994)
No double entendre here, this is a movie about spanking the monkey. ...That is, not literally spanking a monkey, but rather doing the thing that we have come to associate with the phrase "spanking the monkey." So in that case, it is a double entendre. If it had been about a naughty monkey that simply needed to be punished, this would have been a triple-entendre, and therefore a clever title, but since it's mainly about incest and auto-erotic asphyxiation, it's fairly straightforward.

Spaceballs (1987)
There are thousands of enterprising geeks who grew up on the Star Wars movies and are now highly interested in making porno films about them, and they manage to come up with unclever titles like Star Ballz and Star Whores. But Mel Brooks beat them all to the punch with Spaceballs. The movie is full of ball-shaped buildings and helmets, and the name seems to apply to an entire race of people who use them, but something still tells us that the title was chosen first, and only because it was funny to say. And because it reminds people of testicles.

The Jerk (1979)
This one is funniest after watching Chris Rock's stand-up comedy specials, particularly the one where he talks about "the perfect jerk." Because while the phrase "He's a jerk" is still common, we all know what it's short for, and that alternate meaning of the word is still somewhere in the back of everybody's mind. After all, how often do you hear someone say "She's a jerk"? Think about it...

Rooster Cogburn (1975)
There's something about the name of John Wayne's cowboy character that just sounds dirty. Not that we would ever tell the Duke that.

Deep Impact (1998)
"Téa Leoni. Leelee Sobieski. Elijah Wood. Deep Impact." It sure sounds like a porno film, doesn't it? Maybe it's the fact that Elijah has such a great porno name, and that Téa and Leelee sound like strippers. Or maybe it's the fact that the movie is about a rock-hard mass plunging into Mother Earth, resulting in a million "little deaths." Still, it's got nothing on...

Double Impact (1991)
He may play twins, but the only people Van Damme gets to double-team in this movie are the murderers who killed his parents. Not that that would even be possible -- if the same actor could play two participants in a three-way, wouldn't the adult film industry have done it long before now? Still, the movie is vaguely erotic throughout, with a spandex-clad Van Damme doing splits and helping older women stretch in an aerobics class, and culminating in a one-twin-only sex scene on Van Damme's junk. ...And by "junk," we of course mean "Chinese boat."

Meet the Fockers (2004)
While Gaylord Focker's last name was chosen for its dirty connotations in Meet the Parents, "Fockers" was briefly considered too dirty to be in a film title. The story goes that the producers had to find a real family with that last name before the MPAA would allow them to use it. So we should thank the American melting pot for having so many families with dirty-sounding names. They were this close to changing it to "Fokker," and I think we can all be glad that they didn't.

Free Willy (1993)
No further comment necessary.

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