BLOGS

2012, As Told Via Twitter (Spoiler Alert!)

The disaster movie 2012 had a blockbuster opening weekend, with $65 million domestically, and over $160 million internationally, making the planned 2013 TV series a sure thing. For those of you who didn't see it, it ostensibly was about a scientist (Chiwetel Ejiofor) helping his boss (Oliver Platt) and the president (Danny Glover) put together a massive international effort to save the human race from a scientifically predicted apocalypse. But it mainly followed a divorced couple -- played by John Cusack and Amanda Peet -- as they tried to get their kids to safety, with help from a crazy conspiracy theorist (Woody Harrelson) and a Tibetan monk. Although it wasn't shown in the movie, everyone was Twittering like a fury even as civilization crumbled around them, and we've got a transcript below. Warning: Spoilers abound.

PrezDannyGlover: Working on top-secret project with @Italy, @Germany, @Russia, @Japan and rest of G8. More deets in a couple of years.

LouvreDude: Top-secret project that I gave the Mona Lisa to is more top-secret than I thought. Calling press conference. What's that ticking sound?

TheRealJohnCusack: Rule 1: When a chain-link fence with government warning signs on it gets in your way, pretend your kid's hat blew over it. #campingrules

TheRealJohnCusack: Rule 2: If a lake is now a dry patch w/steam coming out of it, police tape and a dead elk, take the kids out on it for kicks. #campingrules

ChiwetelEjiofor: Man, the president's daughter is hot. #ThandieNewtonRocks

PrezDannyGlover: You're fired. RT @ChiwetelEjiofor: Man, the president's daughter is hot.

WoodyHarrelson: Uh-oh. Just punched a nature photographer, thinking he was a member of the government's armageddon conspiracy. I may be in a bit of trouble.

AmandaPeet: Massive quake just tore my grocery store in half! Glad kids weren't home, but am having them return to disaster area ASAP, for safety.

AmandaPeet: Gah! Another quake, even bigger than the last! Glad kids are here with me, and not in Wyoming! #thebigone

TheJohnCusack: Driving through center of town to get to airstrip. Also, through center of toppling office building. This may have been a terrible idea.

TheJohnCusack: Good thing pilot of plane I rented was killed; I doubt he would have waited this long for me, especially since I paid with a Swatch.

AmandaPeet: Barely had enough runway to take off! Hope the runways don't become progressively shorter as movie progresses!

TheJohnCusack: I would say we need to get more elevation, but having trains fly by and buildings crumble around us makes for better scene.

JohnCusacksKids: Back in Yellowstone Park AGAIN?! BO-RING! Missin iCarly 4 this. Oops shes probly underwater by now. Nevermind.

WoodyHarrelson: Yellowstone is erupting lava! It's like that movie, Volcano! Or is it Dante's Peak? No, Volcano! Whoops, gotta go.

TheJohnCusack: This volcanic debris raining down is making it hard to go thru all of these maps to find the right one. Should I just take them all? Nah.

TibetanMonk: Hello, Twitter. Chillaxin' on porch in Himalayas with my rinpoche. Yeah, it's cold, but that's how we roll

TheJohnCusack: Ex-wife's new husband Gordon just tried to leave without me. I am so going to let him get crushed in some giant gears later.

ChiwetelEjiofor: You know, Oliver Platt acted like a jerk at first, but then seemed kind of cool. Now he's just a jerk again. #PlattSux

TheJohnCusack: Need bigger plane to get to China. Will make switch in Las Vegas for more scenic devastation. Eff you, Salt Lake City.

AmandaPeet: We were going to refuel in Hawaii, but it's on fire. Unsure which island; no one's interested in seeing if other islands are safe. Oh, well.

AmandaPeet: If our cargo plane is low on fuel, maybe we should dump all of the luxury cars in the cargo bay? Just saying.

TheJohnCusack: Were going to ditch in ocean, but Earth's crust shifted so we're exactly in China where we want to be. Convenient!

TheJohnCusack: Damn. Never should have trusted Russian oligarch to help us survive apocalypse.

StephenMcHattie: Ship's captain may be a small role, but I get to wear a cool uniform. To sum up, I am awesome. #McHottie

PrezDannyGlover: Covered with ash. White House a refugee camp. About to be crushed by aircraft carrier. I'm getting too old for this shit.

TheJohnCusack: Wait, wait, wait. There are no spaceships? Just giant boats that LOOK like spaceships? Well, that's lame #gyp

ChiwetelEjiofor: WTF? Reading @TheJohnCusack's book when he turns up in Yellowstone, and now Himalayas. What r the odds?

TheJohnCusack: Sneaking into ship has doomed tens of thousands. Guess I'll fix our mistake, after smoochin with my ex. #RIPGordon

ChiwetelEjiofor: Africa is now highest point on Earth, only dry land left. $5 says rich Caucasians refuse to leave hi-tech cruise ships they paid for.

Did you see 2012? What did you think? Let us know below, then check out TWoP's Twitter, and get the latest recaplets, weecaps, blogs and more on-the-go via your smart phone with TWoP's mobile site.

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