The disaster movie 2012 had a blockbuster opening weekend, with $65 million domestically, and over $160 million internationally, making the planned 2013 TV series a sure thing. For those of you who didn't see it, it ostensibly was about a scientist (Chiwetel Ejiofor) helping his boss (Oliver Platt) and the president (Danny Glover) put together a massive international effort to save the human race from a scientifically predicted apocalypse. But it mainly followed a divorced couple -- played by John Cusack and Amanda Peet -- as they tried to get their kids to safety, with help from a crazy conspiracy theorist (Woody Harrelson) and a Tibetan monk. Although it wasn't shown in the movie, everyone was Twittering like a fury even as civilization crumbled around them, and we've got a transcript below. Warning: Spoilers abound.
PrezDannyGlover: Working on top-secret project with @Italy, @Germany, @Russia, @Japan and rest of G8. More deets in a couple of years.
LouvreDude: Top-secret project that I gave the Mona Lisa to is more top-secret than I thought. Calling press conference. What's that ticking sound?
TheRealJohnCusack: Rule 1: When a chain-link fence with government warning signs on it gets in your way, pretend your kid's hat blew over it. #campingrules
TheRealJohnCusack: Rule 2: If a lake is now a dry patch w/steam coming out of it, police tape and a dead elk, take the kids out on it for kicks. #campingrules
ChiwetelEjiofor: Man, the president's daughter is hot. #ThandieNewtonRocks
PrezDannyGlover: You're fired. RT @ChiwetelEjiofor: Man, the president's daughter is hot.
WoodyHarrelson: Uh-oh. Just punched a nature photographer, thinking he was a member of the government's armageddon conspiracy. I may be in a bit of trouble.
AmandaPeet: Massive quake just tore my grocery store in half! Glad kids weren't home, but am having them return to disaster area ASAP, for safety.
AmandaPeet: Gah! Another quake, even bigger than the last! Glad kids are here with me, and not in Wyoming! #thebigone
TheJohnCusack: Driving through center of town to get to airstrip. Also, through center of toppling office building. This may have been a terrible idea.
TheJohnCusack: Good thing pilot of plane I rented was killed; I doubt he would have waited this long for me, especially since I paid with a Swatch.
AmandaPeet: Barely had enough runway to take off! Hope the runways don't become progressively shorter as movie progresses!
TheJohnCusack: I would say we need to get more elevation, but having trains fly by and buildings crumble around us makes for better scene.
JohnCusacksKids: Back in Yellowstone Park AGAIN?! BO-RING! Missin iCarly 4 this. Oops shes probly underwater by now. Nevermind.
WoodyHarrelson: Yellowstone is erupting lava! It's like that movie, Volcano! Or is it Dante's Peak? No, Volcano! Whoops, gotta go.
TheJohnCusack: This volcanic debris raining down is making it hard to go thru all of these maps to find the right one. Should I just take them all? Nah.
TibetanMonk: Hello, Twitter. Chillaxin' on porch in Himalayas with my rinpoche. Yeah, it's cold, but that's how we roll
TheJohnCusack: Ex-wife's new husband Gordon just tried to leave without me. I am so going to let him get crushed in some giant gears later.
ChiwetelEjiofor: You know, Oliver Platt acted like a jerk at first, but then seemed kind of cool. Now he's just a jerk again. #PlattSux
TheJohnCusack: Need bigger plane to get to China. Will make switch in Las Vegas for more scenic devastation. Eff you, Salt Lake City.
AmandaPeet: We were going to refuel in Hawaii, but it's on fire. Unsure which island; no one's interested in seeing if other islands are safe. Oh, well.
AmandaPeet: If our cargo plane is low on fuel, maybe we should dump all of the luxury cars in the cargo bay? Just saying.
TheJohnCusack: Were going to ditch in ocean, but Earth's crust shifted so we're exactly in China where we want to be. Convenient!
TheJohnCusack: Damn. Never should have trusted Russian oligarch to help us survive apocalypse.
StephenMcHattie: Ship's captain may be a small role, but I get to wear a cool uniform. To sum up, I am awesome. #McHottie
PrezDannyGlover: Covered with ash. White House a refugee camp. About to be crushed by aircraft carrier. I'm getting too old for this shit.
TheJohnCusack: Wait, wait, wait. There are no spaceships? Just giant boats that LOOK like spaceships? Well, that's lame #gyp
ChiwetelEjiofor: WTF? Reading @TheJohnCusack's book when he turns up in Yellowstone, and now Himalayas. What r the odds?
TheJohnCusack: Sneaking into ship has doomed tens of thousands. Guess I'll fix our mistake, after smoochin with my ex. #RIPGordon
ChiwetelEjiofor: Africa is now highest point on Earth, only dry land left. $5 says rich Caucasians refuse to leave hi-tech cruise ships they paid for.
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