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Avatar: The Sequels We Wanna See

by admin January 5, 2010 1:49 pm
Avatar: The Sequels We Wanna See

When your movie has made a cool billion, the only thing that would prevent a sequel from being made would be if you sank the boat that gave your film its title and drowned most of your characters. James Cameron learned his lesson with Titanic, and this time he left most of his Avatar characters alive to continue their adventures. He's already hinted at moving onto yet another of Polyphemus's moons, but we can think of several adventures that could take place right there on Pandora. For just a fraction of a billion dollars, Mr. Cameron, these ideas can be yours!

Avatar 2: The Hurt Locker
Although the military have left Pandora, they've left behind plenty of dangerous weapons and armaments, including hundreds of unexploded bombs and land mines. Since he's one of the few left on the planet with military training, Jake assembles a team of human technicians and Na'Vi warriors to disarm all of these deadly explosives. But soon, it becomes clear that someone is arming the bombs and leaving them for Jake to find, and he has to find out who the responsible party is before more people get killed.

Avatar 2: The Lovely Bones
From a mystical place she calls "the In-Between," the ghost of Sigourney Weaver looks down upon the Na'Vi and the remaining humans on Pandora in serene contentment, studying plants and putting on fashion shows for nobody in particular. But there's something else in there with her -- the restless spectre of Colonel Quaritch! Weaver must do battle with his spirit to protect the tree at the center of her world, and the Na'Vis.

Avatar 2: There Will be Blood
The Na'Vi ultimately reach a peace agreement with Earth's government, and the mining of unobtainium is allowed to resume at another location, far from the motherlode where the Na'Vi are rebuilding their home. But what they don't realize is that the Earth miners are tunneling underneath their feet in order to reach that rich vein of unobtainium, thereby effectively drinking the Na'Vis' collective milkshake.

Avatar 2: It's Complicated
Neytiri's father, the old chief of the Omaticaya tribe, is dead, and her mother Mo'at, the tribe's shaman, has moved on. The only problem is, she's moved on with Neytiri's ex, new chief Tsu'Tey (who miraculously survived his fall from the airship at the end of the first film), and Neytiri can't deal with it. Can Jake keep the peace between Neytiri and her mom, and keep himself from throwing up in his mouth a little when he thinks about Tsu'Tey and Mo'at doin' it?

Avatar 2: Gleaming the Cube
Now that he has permanent use of his legs again, Jake is rediscovering some of the extreme human sports that he enjoyed before his injury. Building a massive halfpipe from the charred remains of Hometree, Jake begins skateboarding again, and hosts a giant skateboarding tournament for all of the Na'Vi tribes. After all, when you're accustomed to flying around on a Banshee, what's so scary about catching some sick air? Special appearance by Tony Hawk's avatar.

Avatar2 ("Avatar Squared")
When Jake's avatar is injured in a freak Banshee crash, he loses the use of his legs, and they have to build him a six-foot-tall wheelchair to get around in. The scientists have a plan, however, and build a giant operator pod for his avatar, which allows it to synch up with another avatar, allowing him to walk around normally. Then when that avatar is injured...

Avatar 2: Electric Boogaloo
To save the Na'Vi community center, Jake must organize a breakdancing competition, which is hampered by a lack of cardboard boxes to backspin on. Will his dope moves earn enough tradeable goods to make the repairs the center needs?

Avatar 2: The Empire Strikes Back
A couple of months after they're driven off of Pandora, the U.S. military returns with a fleet of ships and nukes the Na'Vi from orbit, collecting the unobtainium from the bottom of a smoking crater.

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