The long-gestating sequel to Oliver Stone's 1986 classic Wall Street has arrived, and it's definitely its father's daughter, complete with motorcycles, Charlie Sheen (in cameo) and the Talking Heads on the soundtrack. But the picture it paints of corporate greed has shifted from the anything-goes attitude of the 1980s to the finger-pointing blame game of the 2008 financial crisis, and while it tries to show us how stock prices are just as sensitive to rumor-mongering now as they were then, it doesn't really explain to us what caused the collapse. (I think Josh Brolin did it? Maybe?) Mostly, the old money guys sit around long tables and yell at each other for creating bad debt and bad credit and nobody seems to know where "the bottom" is. There's a bit of a revenge story going on, but it's ultimately not very important, and for the most part the movie just isn't as good as The Other Guys, which managed to be funny, informative and action-packed.

In Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps Michael Douglas returns to the role of disgraced financial guru Gordon Gekko, but he's not the main character. No, our new Charlie Sheen in this scenario is Shia LaBeouf, who plays Gekko's protegé and future son-in-law. It's a role he's become pretty good at -- after all, he was basically Indiana Jones' intern in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and he scampered around after Keanu Reeves in Constantine and Will Smith in I, Robot like a little puppy dog. He could have a lucrative career just playing the hero-in-training, which is why we came up with a list of older leading men Shia should shadow in future films.

As a fan of sci-fi and zombies in general and Milla Jovovich in particular, my view of the Resident Evil movie franchise has been one of benign ambivalence. The first was surprisingly good, but the sequels got increasingly sillier and seemed to level out profit-wise, so I assumed that the latest installment, Resident Evil: Afterlife, would be the last. But because it found a nice, empty weekend to park in, and because it was filmed in price-gouging 3-D, it managed to bring in the franchise's highest opening-weekend box office ever, which all but guarantees a sequel. Milla herself has said that her director-husband is already thinking about the fifth film, and that it will incorporate ideas taken from fans on Twitter. While that sounds disastrous all by itself, there are a number of reasons why this franchise needs to quietly fade away.

Yesterday, a story on Bloody-Disgusting.com revealed new insider-supplied details about the long-gestating third Ghostbusters movie, specifically that Dana Barrett's son Oscar is actually Peter Venkman's illegitimate son, as well, and therefore the rightful leader of a new generation of Ghostbusters (which is a retcon we can get behind). Of course, we're taking all of this with a grain of salt, since, as you can see when you look at BD's long history of Ghostbusters 3 articles, these updates have been coming for years, and they have yet to pan out. Bill Murray has been connected and disconnected from the project, Venkman has been made a ghost, Rick Moranis is supposed to come out of retirement... mass hysteria! To save us all a little time and trouble, we thought we'd just present the next dozen or so breaking news items about the production before they happen, so you know exactly when to start getting excited. (Don't hold your breath.)

Spoiler alert! We're about to talk about the very mysterious and open-to-interpretation ending of this weekend's number-one movie, Inception! As everyone who saw it knows (and they likely cannot remove the image from their brain), Dom Cobb's metal top, which remains upright in dream worlds, had yet to fall over. Does that mean he's still in a dream world? Or was it just a really good spin? Sometimes you get a really good one, and they take a while to fall down. Well, whether he's awake or dreaming, we want to see what happens next. And even before! A prequel comic shows what happened on the Cobol Job and the cast is already hemming and hawing about a sequel, so we figured we'd come up with some of our own. Here are some ideas we'd like to plant in Christopher Nolan's head.

Well, this isn't good. It seems that the start of The Hobbit has been delayed for so long in its search for a director that it's starting to affect the talent's schedules. Luckily, all of the talent is debatably replaceable, with one glaring exception: Ian McKellen, who absolutely must play Gandalf the Grey. Or must he? McKellen has a potential scheduling conflict and may have to drop out, which sounds devastating, but while Gandalf does not age as men do, and should therefore look more or less the same as he does 60 years later (when The Fellowship of the Ring occurs), isn't a little creative license a good thing? Couldn't a new Gandalf help to differentiate these films from the original trilogy? Nobody wants to see McKellen replaced, but it's better than another delay or even the death of the film, so here are some suggestions for actors to play the original sorcerer supreme.

I tore through these books a few years back like a crack addict desperate for a fix, but these movies... they might be the death of me. And yet, I still force myself to go see them to see just how terrible they are. On the one hand, they are hysterical (especially the newest one), but on the other hand, I'm not entirely sure that they're in on the joke. Like, should I be laughing when newborn vampires are eviscerating a poor soul because their leader Riley just has the dumbest look on his face? Probably not, but it totally makes me giggle to no end. Writing a review of this is pointless, since, judging by the hordes of teens and moms at the theater near my house at 10 PM, this movie is going to make a gazillion dollars no matter how awful it may be or how much of a set-up it is for the last two films (which have the most preposterous plot... I can't even...), and people will turn out in droves, plan parties, start rival gang wars, buy merchandise, set up shrines, etc... But before you're forced to take your favorite pre-teen (or drooling spouse) to the film, find out what insanity this latest Twilight installment has in store. Fair warning, the text below does contain a great deal of spoilers, but if you haven't read the books and you're planning on seeing this anyway, you probably really don't care.

In Hollywood, a slightly sluggish summer has executives questioning their safe moneymaking strategy of sequels, remakes and more sequels and looking for more original fare. Of course, that didn't stop them from greenlighting a sequel to a remake this week, nor will it stop them from rejoicing when Toy Story 3 makes a boatload of money this weekend. And rejoice they should. Because the new Toy Story, with a newly promoted director and the screenwriter of Little Miss Sunshine at the wheel, is as enjoyable and moving as the first two, and I, for one, would be perfectly happy if Pixar made nothing but Toy Story movies from here on out.

One ring to rule them all. One ring to find them. One ring to bring them all in and New Zealand to bind them. That last part seems to be the sticking point in finding a director to take over helming duties on The Hobbit, which recently lost Guillermo Del Toro due to relocation issues. Other directors are willing to make the trip -- David Dobkin (Fred Claus), Brett Ratner (Rush Hour 1-3) and David Yates (three Harry Potter films) -- but two of those directors are awful. Besides, Warner Bros. and MGM both want Peter Jackson, the original man with the plan who made the Lord of the Rings trilogy into an Oscar-winning blockbuster. Jackson is holding out, citing prior commitments, but he also doesn't want to see the movie fail, or he loses money on the deal. To help him make a decision, we've put together a list of pros and cons for why he should or shouldn't take the job.

Director Michael Bay recently revealed that the next installment in his Transformers film franchise may be the last. As much as that news saddens us (not really), we were more intrigued by what little was revealed of the plot: the story will center around the U.S.-Soviet space race, which apparently involved our friends from Cybertron! This fact, combined with the knowledge that an ancient Cybertronian weapon resides in one of the great pyramids, makes us wonder: how long have the aliens been influencing our history? What other historical events could they have played a part in that we didn't know about? We scoured our high school textbooks and read between the lines to find the unexplained moments where shape-shifting techno-organic beings from outer space set the human race on a different course.