Recently, at the Cannes film festival, Wall Street 2 star Shia LaBeouf gave an interview in which he criticized two of his previous films: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. We say "Bravo, Mr. Beef" -- both movies were awful, and while we kind of expected it of the former, the latter's goofy action and CGI made fans of the original Indy films cry. But while LaBeouf's criticism of TF director Michael Bay comes with its own risks -- he does like blowing stuff up, Shia, and you are making another movie with him -- the actor's criticism of Spielberg is even more shocking. Crystal Skull may be a stinker, but Spielberg is a major power player in Hollywood, and somewhat of a legend. But when you're right, you're right. Here's a list of other things people should feel comfortable saying to Mr. Spielbergo.

Have you ever wanted to just say "To hell with it," and become a trapeze artist? (Unless you already are a trapeze artist, in which case perhaps you said "To hell with it, I want to work in a cubicle.") Career decisions are hard. I would imagine they're harder still when you are rich and famous and are surrounded by people who kiss your ass and tell you how brilliant and talented you are all the time. Take Joaquin Phoenix. Way back in October, the Oscar nominee announced he was quitting acting to focus on his music. And then his brother-in-law Casey Affleck recently announced he'd be filming the actor's -- I'm sorry, musician's exploits for a documentary. Well, reports have come out since that it might end up being a mockumentary. Turns out, the whole career-change thing may be an elaborate hoax. To which most of us are probably having the same thought: I've seen this on MTV. Followed quickly by: Oh God, I hope so.

While we're all pulling for the hoax angle so the talented (and yes, nutty) actor can get back to making movies, it has occurred to me that there are several actors out there that made career decisions we (and probably they) all wish had been hoaxes as well.

You know how, when a filmmaker's first film does reasonably well at the box office, their next project is generally a little bit better, a little bit bigger, and they slowly inch their way up the Hollywood ladder until they've got the pull and the relationships to really make something epic? Well, that's generally how it goes, but sometimes there are guys out there that just say "fuck it" and shoot for the moon. Sometimes they nail it (Peter Jackson), most times they don't (randomly pick just about any name over at IMDb), and sometimes they're Wanted writer Mark Millar, and you just want to sit back with a bag of popcorn and watch the whole thing unfold. Millar had a decent summer movie that made a reasonable amount of money ($134,000,000 at the B.O.), and now he wants to take the Superman franchise and make it his "magnum opus."

In what is not the strangest red carpet interview Joaquin Phoenix has ever given (some of you may remember when he was convinced during an interview that a large frog was trying to eat his brain at the Walk the Line premiere a couple of years ago), he has nevertheless gone above and beyond the call of weird when he told a reporter for E! and later confirmed with Extra that he is retiring from acting, and that the upcoming film Two Lovers would be his last. In a move that's usually reserved for actors who actually can't get any more work, he told the reporter that he was quitting to focus on his music.

If, while reading today, you notice a stray u in words like "colour" and "honour," or you realise that "realize" is spelled with an s, do not adjust your browsers! Movies Without Pity has gone global! I'm reporting to you live from Birmingham, England, where I've been working for the last eight days. Whilst here in the Midlands, I shall visit Mr. Craig's onscreen persona when Quantum of Solace opens on Halloween (more on that next week). I'll also visit his actual persona to see if I can take that free Aston Martin off his hands. One major plus to being here is that I can escape the bombardment of political commercials currently clogging up my TV at home. Unfortunately, I can't escape the candidates nor the election, which leads me to an article in The Guardian about celebrities and politics.

If Spock were around, I'm sure he'd be telling Captain Kirk that he was being a tad illogical. The man who played the original Kirk, William Shatner, went off on Mr. Sulu (George Takei), for a perceived non-invite to his wedding earlier this year, inferring that Takei was both sick and psychotic. In other news, Shatner has already made the list for my upcoming nuptials, whenever those might be. Takei, who came out of the closet in 2005, was married to his longtime partner Brad Altman in September of this year after California's Supreme Court ruled in favor of gay marriage. Many of the original Trek stars came to the ceremony, including Nichelle Nichols (Uhura) who was matron of honor, and Walter Koenig (Chekhov), who was best man. Shatner was an obvious no-show, though there seems to be some debate as to whether or not he was actually invited, since Takei said, "It is unfortunate that Bill was unable to join us for our wedding, as he indeed was invited to attend."

Despite all the troubles the automobiles of Quantum of Solace have, er, enjoyed in the last several months, from the Aston Martin that was driven into Lake Garda on its way to the set to the stuntman who was hurt when the Alfa Romeo he was driving crashed into a wall, car makers still seem to be rather fond of the Bond franchise. So fond in fact, that as reported by Motor Authority, Aston Martin has given Bond star Daniel Craig an open invitation to drive any car of theirs he pleases, for life.

Out on the trail to promote the 22nd James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace, Daniel Craig revealed that Marvel Studios had approached him to play Thor, according to IESB. Craig said he passed on the chance to play the comic book version of the Norse god of thunder, because "it would have been too much of a power trip," what with the mystical hand tools and flowing blond locks. Really? That's it? Too much power for one guy to handle? Somehow, I doubt it. I think there's more to it than that, after reading Craig's recent revelation in The Guardian that his scantily clad ocean scene in Casino Royale came about entirely by accident. I think the whole experience has put the actor off skimpy spandex shorts.

Mark Wahlberg has been out promoting Max Payne over the weekend, and in the process making -- and breaking -- a lot of news.

- In a Q&A with ComingSoon.net, Wahlberg said that Darren Aronofsky's The Fighter might not be happening at all, much to Wahlberg's disappointment (and ours). Wahlberg says he's not going to stop training for the tale of real-life boxer Mickey Ward (whom Wahlberg was to play), but that he's doubtful it will happen now, but he wouldn't elaborate, saying it's "too depressing to talk about." Maybe the reason is that Brad Pitt's no longer involved. (I have to wonder: Does Pitt have something against Aronofsky, because he keeps signing up for his movies and lending them a high profile, then dropping out. The Fountain recovered with Hugh Jackman, but sounds like The Fighter might not.

Scarlett Johansson, 23, and Ryan Reynolds, 31, wed secretly over the weekend in British Columbia (Reynolds is from Vancouver). Apparently, Johansson decided to define "not rushing into it" as a little more than a month, since she said in early August that she's only 23 and "There's no reason to rush into it," adding that "we're just taking it easy. And no big plan yet." Then again, it was a SECRET wedding (there has been no confirmation of the actual wedding location, for instance), so maybe that was part of her diversion tactic.