This weekend, we get a new Resident Evil film -- Resident Evil: Afterlife -- this time using the new-fangled 3D camera contraptions from Avatar. Wow! What a waste of those innovative contraptions! Kidding aside, while the RE films are good, gory fun and all, they are a little embarrassing to be associated with. Here's our tough-love look at the new movie's cast and an evaluation of their decision to appear in it.
Why do so many movies have vague, mysterious titles? They Came From Upstairs? What the hell is that about? Renters? Old Life magazines? Away We Go? Who's going where, and why? Shorts? What about them? They're really comfortable! No, we want titles that tell us who's in them, or what's going to happen, or where it takes place -- it will take a lot of the guesswork out of our movie selection process. When we went to see Knocked Up, we knew it was going to be about an unplanned pregnancy. Beverly Hills Chihuahua? The adventures of a spoiled Mexican dog. Monsters vs. Aliens? Der. Luckily, a bunch of studios are taking a more direct approach this summer, spelling out their films' central themes right there on the marquee. Unless you're the type of person who likes to know every single solitary detail of a movie before you go in, the following movies need no further explanation.