Whether you'll be sitting down to a turkey dinner or a Tofurkey lunch this Thanksgiving, we invite you to reflect upon the following ten movies from 2008. They weren't necessarily the lowest-grossing pictures of the year, but they failed to live up to financial expecations, in a big way. These suckers plummeted to the earth, flightless and doomed, like those poor gobblers dropped from a helicopter in that famous episode of WKRP in Cincinnati. It's not hard to imagine some of the investors saying, much like dazed radio station manager Arthur Carlson, "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly." But they couldn't, and they can't, so they've landed here with a resounding thud.
Are you sitting at work, watching the minutes tick by until you're finally free for the weekend, wondering how you'll occupy yourself for the next two days of work-free bliss? Are you thinking about risking the wrath of your significant other to go see The Dark Knight for the fifteenth time? There's not a lot new coming out this week in theaters. No new comic book hero movies, no new sci-fi epics, and no new horror villains to make you scream... unless you count Nicolas Cage's scary-ass hairdo in Bangkok Dangerous. Screw it. You might as well be a slacker and waste away the weekend on the Internet.
Here are a few things to help your eyes glaze over as you stare at the computer screen:
Yes, we know it's the name of a city in Thailand. Yes, we realize that the phrase could easily refer to the hazards of being a professional hitman in that city, or perhaps that section of the city where it simply isn't safe to go walking late at night. Still, we can't help but snicker every time we hear the film title Bangkok Dangerous, because it sounds like someone is engaging in risky sexual practices with a Thai hooker. Also, we're, like, 13 years old, emotionally. Anyway, the release of the Pang Brothers' remake of their own 1999 film of the same name got us thinking about other movie titles that make us giggle like 7th-graders for their sexual innuendo. Here are the ten most titter-inducing that aren't actually pornographic films.
Being that this is a short work week, you'd think it would take more than hearing that Nicolas Cage is in talks with Marvel Studios to make a sequel to Ghost Rider to ruin my day. You'd think wrong. The trailer for the first movie was so bad that it alone soured me on Nicolas Cage, probably forever. And now they want to make another one? In a discussion with Dark Horizons, Cage said that he'd met with the studio three months ago and they discussed changing the setting completely. "The general idea was to take the character to Europe where he will work with the Catholic Church, deal with supernatural stuff on the continent and figure out a 'connection working with different religious figures.' The film's main antagonist has yet to be decided." Um, how about me?
Nicolas Cage is a busy man -- very busy. He's got 10 films slated for release over the next couple of years. While I'll readily admit to anyone that I enjoy quite a few of Cage's pre-1990 movies, I'm hard-pressed to come up with an explanation as to why he's gotten so much work since then. There have been a couple of good performances in the nearly 20 intervening years, but there have also been those so wooden that I thought he would turn out to be the titular character in 2006's The Wicker Man. Well, add film #11 to the slate: Variety reports that Cage is set to star as a 14th century knight transporting a suspected witch in Relativity Media's Season of the Witch. Did a real-life witch lose a bet or something?