Halloween can certainly be a dangerous time of year, whether you're a drunk teenager with obscured vision on your way to a kegger or a child wandering the streets asking strangers for candy. (Or, if you're the adult who's on the road or at home and has to deal with them.) But real Halloween will never be as dangerous as movie Halloween, so when you're looking for safety tips to get you through the holidays, just pop in a movie -- they've already thought of every worst-case scenario.
With the sequel to Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween in theaters, the director has decided it's the perfect time to announce that he will next remake The Blob, the 1958 movie about a... well, a blob. From space. It's already been remade, in 1988 with Johnny Drama from Entourage, but we'll ignore that one if it means we'll get a grisly new sci-fi story from Mr. Zombie. Of course, Zombie doesn't have a monopoly on remaking old horror movies, and there are already a slew of re-imaginings in the works. We rounded up info on a few of the more high-profile ones, so you know which movies are currently getting hacked to bits in the editing room and which are just plain dead.
Anthony Hopkins. Robert De Niro. Kathy Bates. Vincent D'Onofrio. Billy Zane. What do these people have in common? They all freak us the hell out. Not on a day-to-day basis, of course, but each has had at least one truly memorable role in a horror film. These singularly terrifying performances have earned them all spots on our list of the Scariest Horror Movie Villains of All Time, alongside such luminaries as Freddy Krueger and Leatherface. Check out our list, then let us know who we've left off below!
As they do every Halloween-time, TV programmer people are unloading a barrage of scary movies this week, and I for one will not be watching any of them. As you might have gleaned from previous things I've written, I do not like being scared. I don't like the dark. I don't like ghosts or anything paranormal -- unless it is a sexy vampire, but that is pushing it people! Call me staid, boring, namby pamby. But if you insist on making me sit through Saw or Hostel or even the vintage shiz like The Exorcist and, like, Friday the 13th, you will have only yourself to blame when I pee on your couch.
I've culled a few of this week's spooky offerings from my trusty TV schedule and come up with fitting alternatives to the horror pics in an effort to combat the shrieky, jittery feelings I get when confronted with the likes of Jason, Freddy, Chuckie and Satan. If you're like me, you'll appreciate this little round-up. And if you're not, you'll enjoy laughing at my wussy ass. If anyone's looking for me, I'll be hiding under my blanket from now til November 1st with my arsenal of rom-com DVDs.