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"You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! God damn you all to hell!" Does that line sound familiar to you? Of course it is -- it's what you shouted to the sky (and at any Fox executives within ear shot) as you walked out of 2001's successful-but-ridiculous Tim Burton remake of Planet of the Apes. Despite being profitable, a sequel to the remake never materialized, possibly because Burton had no interest in returning to the franchise, and star Mark Wahlberg would only come back if he did. But now, for some reason, Fox is rebooting Planet of the Apes again, this time with a prequel. We can't think of too many other franchises that have been re-booted twice, let alone only ten years apart; we also can't believe that Fox didn't learn its lesson the last time. There is no way to improve on the original movie, and when you try, awfulness happens. Let's take a look at the first remake, and show why the original will never be replaced. In other words, get your hands off of it, you damn dirty Fox!
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Director? I Hardly Knew Her!, Reviews of Movies We've Actually Seen
The Lovely Bones: Dead Girl WatchingPeter Jackson sees dead people. Or rather, he likes seeing dead people. From the zombies of Braindead to the ghosts of The Frighteners to the Armies of the Dead in Return of the King, the no-longer-living seem to be a favorite subject of his. Which explains why, perhaps, he was drawn to buy the rights to the acclaimed book The Lovely Bones, about a murdered girl who watches her family from a sort of limbo in the wake of her death. Undoubtedly, the chance to use special effects to re-create the constantly morphing In-Between was part of the appeal for Jackson, but he should have saved his pixels for King Kong 2.
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Reviews of Movies We've Actually Seen, The Kongs of Comedy
The Other Guys: I Think Mark Wahlberg Has Found His CallingIn all the ways that count, The Other Guys is a standard Will Ferrell movie. It features absurd scene resolutions, conversations about conversations, and violent vocal outbursts a-plenty. But it may be the funniest one yet. I know, I know, Anchorman, Elf and Talladega Nights are all pretty damn funny, but there's nothing like seeing a fresh movie for the first time to eclipse everything that came before. At the very least, this movie is just as funny as anything Will Ferrell has ever done, thanks to hysterical performances by Mark Wahlberg and Michael Keaton, and possibly even more ridiculous and nonsensical. Seriously, there are moments in the film where you will literally say, out loud, "What the hell?!" Okay, you'll probably use stronger language, but I'm assuming there will be kids around -- it's PG-13, after all.
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Have you ever watched a sports underdog movie and been satisfied by the formula, but just thought to yourself "If only these characters were ridiculous Masshole caricatures, this movie would have been so much more special and enjoyable"? Then you and Fighter director David O. Russell have that in common. Something else you two have in common? You were both right.
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Have you ever watched a sports underdog movie and been satisfied by the formula, but just thought to yourself "If only these characters were ridiculous Masshole caricatures, this movie would have been so much more special and enjoyable"? Then you and Fighter director David O. Russell have that in common. Something else you two have in common? You were both right.
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Camera... Action Jackson!, DVDs Unwrapped , Lights, Reviews of Movies We've Actually Seen, Video Games Killed the Movie Star
Max Payne is Better Than It Has Any Right to BeThe Mark Wahlberg video-game adaptation Max Payne recently came out on DVD, and consider me one of the 18% who think the movie was pretty damn good. I'm not a gamer, so I can't compare it to the source material, but I enjoyed the hell out of it, and that goes a long way with a movie like this. I'm not saying it's Oscar-worthy or anything, but if there was an Oscar given out to video game movies starring overrated actors, this one would totally deserve it, because it has so many things working against it, and I still thought it was a blast. Because I'm 13 years old, apparently. See the five obstacles it faced -- and surpassed -- after the jump.
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Separate but Sequel, Stupid Cinematic Celebrity Sayings, The Casting Conch, Video Games Killed the Movie Star
Mark Wahlberg News Round-Up: The Fighter, SNL and The Departed 2Mark Wahlberg has been out promoting Max Payne over the weekend, and in the process making -- and breaking -- a lot of news.
- In a Q&A with ComingSoon.net, Wahlberg said that Darren Aronofsky's The Fighter might not be happening at all, much to Wahlberg's disappointment (and ours). Wahlberg says he's not going to stop training for the tale of real-life boxer Mickey Ward (whom Wahlberg was to play), but that he's doubtful it will happen now, but he wouldn't elaborate, saying it's "too depressing to talk about." Maybe the reason is that Brad Pitt's no longer involved. (I have to wonder: Does Pitt have something against Aronofsky, because he keeps signing up for his movies and lending them a high profile, then dropping out. The Fountain recovered with Hugh Jackman, but sounds like The Fighter might not.
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Earlier this month, Das Gamer posted an interview in which director John Moore bemoaned the fact that the Motion Picture Association of America gave his Max Payne an R rating. Normally, this wouldn't be surprising, as the video games on which the movie is based earned "Mature" ratings from the ESRB, the gaming world's equivalent of an R movie. But the news did surprise Moore, who not only aimed for a tamer rating while filming, but saw The Dark Knight's PG-13 and expected to earn the same for his own movie. The association's reasoning, according to Moore, was that it "felt dark." Well, what a difference a few weeks makes. Game Daily is now reporting that Moore has won his battle with the MPAA and gotten Payne its PG-13.
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Director? I Hardly Knew Her!, Stupid Cinematic Celebrity Sayings, The Biz
Advice To and From The StarsSome people look to movie stars for tips about the latest starvation diet secrets or how to properly maintain one's hair extensions. Some may look to directors for insight about how to handle long work hours, or how to manage the egos of our bosses and coworkers. But they have other advice to offer, advice we can put to use in our own lives in very practical ways. Or at least we can mock it a little. First up is advice from writer/director/"actor" M. Night Shyamalan. According to MTV, the worst advice actor Mark Wahlberg ever got was from Shyamalan. Are you shocked? Neither am I.
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God loves me! How do I know? Because he took a whole bunch of my favorite things -- the Seventies, Miami, Marky Mark, cocaine (culture), Peter Berg and the writings of Generation Kill uber-scribe Evan Wright -- and smooshed them all together into one big fat bow-wrapped present! I am so excited!
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