In a college dorm somewhere, a Resident Advisor has put her head on this movie's poster and modified the title in an attempt to seem cool. It will fail.
It's always tough when you come across a movie in which there's no one to root for. Sometimes you find yourself rooting for the least insufferable of all of them, or, more often, hoping that all of the characters die in a bus accident, but usually you tend to gravitate towards the most charismatic and entertainingly cruel of the bunch. And in this particular movie, that's Stone, Edward Norton's cornrowed convict, who displays both willful ignorance and deadly cunning in his attempts to earn himself an early parole. Norton has always loved his accents, and his streets-of-Detroit delivery is funny at first, then sad, then just plain evil. The story of how he gets from here to there doesn't have a lot of twists in it, although it meanders quite a bit, but it serves to show off the new, entertaining character he's created.
What kind of movies get released in the waning days of the year? When shoppers are spending gift cards and Christmas money and making exchanges left and right? 1. Your flash-in-the-pan, window-is-closing movies. 2. Your "heard good things but never saw it" movies. 3. And, of course, your "no one is going to buy this" movies.
This weekend, we get a new Resident Evil film -- Resident Evil: Afterlife -- this time using the new-fangled 3D camera contraptions from Avatar. Wow! What a waste of those innovative contraptions! Kidding aside, while the RE films are good, gory fun and all, they are a little embarrassing to be associated with. Here's our tough-love look at the new movie's cast and an evaluation of their decision to appear in it.
As a fan of sci-fi and zombies in general and Milla Jovovich in particular, my view of the Resident Evil movie franchise has been one of benign ambivalence. The first was surprisingly good, but the sequels got increasingly sillier and seemed to level out profit-wise, so I assumed that the latest installment, Resident Evil: Afterlife, would be the last. But because it found a nice, empty weekend to park in, and because it was filmed in price-gouging 3-D, it managed to bring in the franchise's highest opening-weekend box office ever, which all but guarantees a sequel. Milla herself has said that her director-husband is already thinking about the fifth film, and that it will incorporate ideas taken from fans on Twitter. While that sounds disastrous all by itself, there are a number of reasons why this franchise needs to quietly fade away.
You know what's almost the same thing as The Fourth Kind only way, way better? The Blair Witch Project. And The Blair Witch Project is terrible. There are so many problems with The Fourth Kind, despite a grand total of two decent jumpy scares, I'm having difficulty organizing them all to present to you. But you need to know! Basically, to quote a wise tween I overheard walking out of my screening, "That shit? Was whack." That kid is a poet and a prophet, my friends. You don't even know. Let's get into it.
It's hard to forget Milla Jovovich. With her piercing eyes and model looks, she stands out in most of her films, and has actually played a slew of memorable roles, from her Return to the Blue Lagoon roots to the star-making The Fifth Element to the epically dull The Messenger to the flashy, nonsensical Resident Evil series. But in between, Jovovich does these bizarre smaller films that you've never heard of, many of which never even make it to theaters. Milla fans may know and love them, but the rest of America stumbles across them in their local Redbox and is like, "What the hell is this?" Here are five we watched for Milla, but remember little else about.