The makers of the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean movie have insisted that they've trimmed all the ludicrous, overcomplicated fat of the second and, mostly, third movies, put the focus back on humor and the fun of swashbuckling and sought out to make an easily digestible family film. And while it's true that this movie is extremely straightforward and definitely easy to digest, it's also one of the most lifeless and least memorable "action" movies I've ever seen.

Tags: Ian McShane, Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Have you ever bit into a Jelly Belly jellybean, expecting it to be something tasty, like Toasted Marshmallow, but instead it's something nasty, like Buttered Popcorn? I totally got ready for marshmallows when I saw a news story that announced that there was a trailer out for the movie G-Force. I was like, "Awesome! Finally, a full trailer for the sure-to-be-excellent computer-animated movie about a team of five crime fighters in bird suits, based on the Japanese cartoon of the same name that I grew up watching!" Then I clicked the link, and the taste of Buttered Popcorn jellybeans filled my mouth. G-Force the movie is something totally, totally different, and totally, totally nauseating.

Tags: anime, Battle of the Planets, Bill Nighy, cartoon, CGI, G-Force, Gatchaman, Nicolas Cage, Penelope Cruz, Sam Rockwell, Steve Buscemi, Tracy Morgan, Zach Galifianakis

As I walked out of a screening for Woody Allen's new film Vicky Cristina Barcelona, a friend cracked that Allen only gives us a decent film every 10 years, and implied that VCB had successfully staked its claim as the decade's quota. Me, I'm not so sure. Certainly Allen's prior two films, Match Point and Scoop, weren't anything to write home about. But it's tough to say if VCB is the triumph we've all been waiting for.

Tags: Annie Hall, Javier Bardem, Match Point, Patricia Clarkson, Penelope Cruz, Rebecca Hall, Scarlett Johansson, Scoop, Woody Allen

More casting has been announced for Rob Marshall's planned big screen adaptation of the Tony-winning musical Nine. According to today's Hollywood Reporter, Judi Dench and Nicole Kidman are reportedly climbing aboard the train. (Dench and Kidman? Three guesses what company is producing the movie and the first two don't count. Hint: The company's namesake rhymes with whinesign. Already cast are Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz, Sophia Loren and Marion Cotillard, though no word if Cotillard actually will bother to do her own singing this time. Now, I've admittedly never seen a stage production of Nine, based on Fellini's great film 8 1/2 in case you were unaware, but while Maury Yeston's score is fine, this is not a show that screams commercial appeal. Hell, would a re-release of 8 1/2 itself even be profitable? Nine isn't a crowd pleaser such as Chicago and even one that would seem tailor made to be one can land with a thud when it's transferred as poorly as The Producers was. I love movie musicals, but I fear if Hollywood goes crazy making films of ones that seem doomed to fail, they may disappear yet again.

Tags: javier bardem, judi dench, marion cotillard, nicole kidman, nine, penelope cruz, rob marshall, sophia loren