Barack Obama has just been elected the first Black President... and I'm here to talk to you about entertainment news. Oh joy. I feel like the guy who goes into the cathouse bedroom after Long Dong Silver. Nothing I say is going to have one damn bit of effect today, and it shouldn't. History has been made! Why are you even here? Get! Go celebrate or mourn, depending on your political affiliation. Sober up or get drunk! Poke your finger into Joe the Plumber's buttcrack as he fixes your sink. Whatever! Just do a Marvin K. Mooney imitation and PLEASE GO NOW! You're still here? I guess that means I have to write something. (I'm never going to sober up now.) Let's cast the upcoming Election of 2008 movie!

Tags: Barack Obama, Election, John McCain, Sarah Palin