No, I'm not having gastro-intestinal problems. Well, I am, but that's a story for another time. No, by "G.I. Woes," I mean that the G.I. Joe live-action movie, G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, is seemingly going down a very strange, woe-begotten path. (And I don't mean the path to pornography that the film's subtitle implies. Apparently, "Arousal of Python" was already taken.)
I'm still really confused as to why they hired Sienna Miller -- a blonde, freckled British girl -- to play the raven-haired, Eastern European killer the Baroness in the new G.I. Joe movie. She's pretty, sure, but dark-haired women are pretty, too -- why not give one of them a chance to play one of the all-time dark-haired icons? Sunny, blonde British girls should play sunny, blonde British parts, like...oh, I don't know, maybe Maid Marion in Ridley Scott's Robin Hood movie?
Hold off on that diet shake and collagen injections: an actress was recently fired for being too thin and too young. Sienna Miller was reportedly released from Ridley Scott's Robin Hood movie because she proved to be too lissome a Maid Marian to the considerable bulk that is Russell Crowe. Reportedly (there's that word again), it was Crowe himself that demanded the cast change. One insider is said to have put it thusly regarding potential love scenes: "He's so old and fat, and she's so young and gorgeous. It's just... gross." So now they're looking for an actress with a few more years on her... and who doesn't look as though she'd snap like a piece of driftwood under the flailings of a bull elephant seal. Here are just a few suggestions for possible replacements.
There have been many rumors about who would play Robin Hood in Ridley Scott's upcoming Nottingham. Scott needed someone who could match wits with Russell Crowe as the Sheriff of Nottingham, and the latest rumor is that Scott finally found someone who fits the bill: Russell Crowe. [I haven't seen casting that inspired since Jean-Claude Van Damme played twins in Double Impact! - Zach]
In Ridley Scott's reimagined version of the Robin Hood tale, it's the guy in the green tights who's a bit dodgy. (Perhaps even dodgier than Kevin Costner's accent in Prince of Thieves.) The Sheriff of Nottingham, as played by Russell Crowe, is supposed to be the sympathetic bloke. Even still, the good ol' sheriff didn't have the angels on his side when production on Nottingham was shut down this past weekend. According to The Hollywood Reporter, filming, which was to have begun in mid-August, "has been postponed indefinitely." It's not a tights famine or a dearth of merry men that's holding up things, but the triple threat of a possible SAG strike, lack of cooperation from Mother Nature, and a script rewrite. Such adversaries don't seem terribly exciting, considering the swashbuckling subject matter, but these days they're far more formidable than anything with a bow and arrow.
You probably got your hopes up over the weekend after hearing the rumor that Christian Bale would play Robin Hood in Nottingham, joining Russell Crowe as the Sheriff of Nottingham and Sienna Miller as Maid Marian in director Ridley Scott's revisionist version of the classic tale. Well, I am here to shatter those expectations.
A little while ago, before all of the flap about Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty started flying around, we were treated to another fairly intimate bit of information about the actress. Apparently, on the set of G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, she was told by the director, Stephen Sommers, that he liked big breasts, and he could not lie -- which meant that she needed to wear some padding in her skin-tight Baroness costume. Now, over a month later, the studios are changing something else about her, and this time, it's personal... well, more personal than the small-boobs thing.