The International Press Academy announced its award nominees on Sunday, and no one bothered to notice. See, the few of you who thought I was talking about the Golden Globes would be wrong (that's the Hollywood Foreign Press, and they'll announce their nominees on Dec. 11. No, the International Press Academy gives out the Satellite Awards (and has for 12 years). If you haven't heard of them, there's a reason: Their awards show isn't televised, and if there's anything I've learned in life, it's that if it's not on TV, it didn't happen.
There are just a few days till the golden statuettes are handed out. You're running out of time to see all the nominees so you can sound like you know what you're talking about at your Oscar party. Don't panic! You have options. You could call in sick and go on a nonstop marathon of movie watching, get your guests liquored up on party night so they just think you know what you're talking about, or tell everyone you're taking a vow of silence until Capitol Hill sorts out this whole economic stimulus thing. All these carry with them a certain amount of risk, though, so I propose a fourth option: just watch Pixar's WALL-E instead. Seriously. Recently I was embarking on my own movie marathon to re-familiarize myself with the choices. I started with WALL-E, which is up for an award in the Animated Feature category, and it occurred to me how it shared many elements of other Oscar nominees. Really, if you've seen this endearing story, you've seen most of the others. Keep reading to find out how adorable robots can help you out come the night of the 81st Academy Awards.
The Screen Actors Guild Awards were given out last night, and while the winners weren't all that surprising, there were some genuinely awesome moments during the broadcast that deserve recognition. However, since we're fair and balanced pseudo-journalists, we'll also tell you the worst moments, the ones that made us hate celebrities and awards shows and the world. And since we love criticizing celebrities' wardrobes, we'll do the same thing with their outfits! Hit the links below to see them both.
Proving this country loves nothing if not its dogs, Marley & Me held tight to its position at the top of the box office this weekend, adding $24.1 million, for a two-week total of $106.5. Impressive, yes? Indeed. Even for a dog film. According to Box Office Mojo, it's "the third-highest grossing dog movie on record," a coveted position, as we all know. It falls behind only Scooby-Doo (really? That movie?) and 101 Dalmatians, and is fast approaching the top of that list.
Earlier today I read that the producers of award darling Slumdog Millionaire have decided to be extra classy, milking the success of the critically lauded film to create a reality show loosely based on the Oscar-nominated movie. Described as a tweaked take on the popular series Secret Millionaire, the brilliantly titled show Secret Slumdog Millionaire will send a bunch of wealthy people into the slums of Mumbai in an effort to help poor people (and assuage rich white guilt or something). Sounds like a brilliant plan! Why not piggyback one crap, potentially exploitative idea on to a relatively good one for maximum stupidity? I've decided to do the same thing, taking ten other films up for Oscars this year and coming up with reality show pitches based on their premises. I better get an executive producing credit for these gems.