What's worse that Jar Jar Binks and Jake Lloyd? Jar Jar Binks and Jake Lloyd in 3D, of course!
A lot has been said about online entertainment news reporting, and how it's basically rumors propagated by blogger after blogger after blogger until somebody in the know actually comes in and refutes it. (Except even then, bloggers will claim that person is lying.) So we aren't going to put much stock in this insider report that George Lucas will finance new Stars Wars movies with the scratch he makes from re-releasing the old ones in 3-D. However, it has gotten me thinking about whether I'd actually want to see them. The crazy action in the LucasArts video game The Force Unleashed shows that the
We sense a great disturbance in the Force...
Harry Potter is going to need another vault at Gringotts, because the opening weekend of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part One made more money than any HP installment so far, and landed the number-six spot on the list of biggest opening weekends of all time. It's almost as if a lot of people really want to see how the seven-part story is going to end, even though it won't actually be concluded until Part 2 comes out next summer! Who would have thought it?! In bigger news, the HP franchise is only $80 million behind Star Wars, which means it will be the highest-grossing franchise within the month. Somewhere, George Lucas is realizing that a successful cartoon series doesn't mean squat in the annals of motion-picture history.
It seems like George Lucas has finally grown tired of other people making fun of his creations, both with and without his permission, and has decided to do it himself. Lucasfilm will create an animated comedy series based on the Star Wars franchise, with the help of the Robot Chicken creators, who have already done two one-off parodies of their own. Although, when you think about it, it's amazing that anyone finds anything to joke about in this bleak, depressing series of films. The movies have light moments, sure, but they mostly deal with such ponderous topics as war, betrayal, genocide, patricide, incest, amputation, manipulation, bureaucracy, mental disability and dying in childbirth. If Star Wars can inspire this much comedy, then why not other depressing films? We came up with some comedic TV pitches for some of our favorite gloomy films and think we've got a few winners.
At this past weekend's Star Wars Celebration V convention, George Lucas unveiled a deleted scene that will only be available on the Return of the Jedi Blu-Ray collection, and it's... not very exciting. Darth Vader says Luke's name a bunch of times, and Luke builds a lightsaber in a cave. While, admittedly, that would have been pretty bad-ass at the beginning of the movie had it been included originally, now its just sort of "meh." Tell us something we don't know, George! Specifically, these are some examples of revelatory scenes that might have added something to our enjoyment of the film and made us pony up for yet another version of the sextology
Somebody please stop those kids from The Hills. And the ones from Laguna Beach and all those other reality shows I can't think of right now whose "stars" taunt me from the tabloid racks in check-out aisles and the entertainment magazines I read when I should be working. They need to be stopped. Because when I report movie news on Thursdays, and they start popping up in there, I start craving cocktails well before 5:00 pm in the middle of the week, and I really don't want to sit around the circle in rehab muttering about Spencer and Heidi. Stop them now, you guys, because I just found out that Audrina Patridge got cast opposite Carrie Fisher and Jamie Chung in a remake of the 1983 horror flick The House on Sorority Row. I also just found out that by California law, you can totally go out and buy a six pack at 8:30 in the morning.
Far be it from me to say that George Lucas used up all his good ideas back in the '70s and '80s, but... George Lucas used up all his good ideas back in the '70s and '80s. Exhibit A: ...Well, pretty much anything he's done since the late '80s. But what I want to focus on here is Exhibit B: He recently suggested to Samuel L. Jackson, the most notorious part whore in all of Hollywood that perhaps he should start thinking about directing. Not to suggest that Jackson might not be a talented director -- we'll never know until he actually does it -- but why do I think this might be something Lucas suggests to every actor out there, ever? I mean, not everyone is cut out to direct, George. (See also: Wars, Star - Episodes I, II, III).
It looks as though a few Hollywood types are about to step out of their comfort zones and into genres not normally associated with them. Get your head out of the gutter, dude, I meant horror movies. Rumor has it that Natalie Portman and her production company Handsome Charlie Films are teaming up with The Pineapple Express and Superbad director David Gordon Green for a remake of the 1977 horror classic Suspiria.
What would it be like to have a dad from the movies as your real dad? This Father's Day, before you think about trading in the man whose loins from which you fruited, consider the good and bad parts about being related to the following guys...