Sometimes movie taglines leave something to be desired. For example, the tagline for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is "Life isn't measured in minutes, but in moments." Compare that to, say, Armageddon's "Time to kick some asteroid." I contend this was one of the most informative taglines ever, because it not only told you there'd be an asteroid in the movie, but the pun was so terrible that it also prepared you for the giant ball of crap that was about to hurtle into your local theater. There was also Alien's now-iconic "In space, no one can hear you scream." From that one line, you know it's going to be good and scary, and it's going to be good and scary in space. Just going from Benjamin Button's tagline, you'd never know what it was about. Is it something you'd find mass-inscribed in a Mother's Day card? Is it the personal philosophy of a mayfly? So to help you decide what to seek out (or what to avoid) here are are a few alternative taglines for recent, current and upcoming movies.
The International Press Academy announced its award nominees on Sunday, and no one bothered to notice. See, the few of you who thought I was talking about the Golden Globes would be wrong (that's the Hollywood Foreign Press, and they'll announce their nominees on Dec. 11. No, the International Press Academy gives out the Satellite Awards (and has for 12 years). If you haven't heard of them, there's a reason: Their awards show isn't televised, and if there's anything I've learned in life, it's that if it's not on TV, it didn't happen.
There are just a few days till the golden statuettes are handed out. You're running out of time to see all the nominees so you can sound like you know what you're talking about at your Oscar party. Don't panic! You have options. You could call in sick and go on a nonstop marathon of movie watching, get your guests liquored up on party night so they just think you know what you're talking about, or tell everyone you're taking a vow of silence until Capitol Hill sorts out this whole economic stimulus thing. All these carry with them a certain amount of risk, though, so I propose a fourth option: just watch Pixar's WALL-E instead. Seriously. Recently I was embarking on my own movie marathon to re-familiarize myself with the choices. I started with WALL-E, which is up for an award in the Animated Feature category, and it occurred to me how it shared many elements of other Oscar nominees. Really, if you've seen this endearing story, you've seen most of the others. Keep reading to find out how adorable robots can help you out come the night of the 81st Academy Awards.