Sometimes movie taglines leave something to be desired. For example, the tagline for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is "Life isn't measured in minutes, but in moments." Compare that to, say, Armageddon's "Time to kick some asteroid." I contend this was one of the most informative taglines ever, because it not only told you there'd be an asteroid in the movie, but the pun was so terrible that it also prepared you for the giant ball of crap that was about to hurtle into your local theater. There was also Alien's now-iconic "In space, no one can hear you scream." From that one line, you know it's going to be good and scary, and it's going to be good and scary in space. Just going from Benjamin Button's tagline, you'd never know what it was about. Is it something you'd find mass-inscribed in a Mother's Day card? Is it the personal philosophy of a mayfly? So to help you decide what to seek out (or what to avoid) here are are a few alternative taglines for recent, current and upcoming movies.
Far be it from me to say that George Lucas used up all his good ideas back in the '70s and '80s, but... George Lucas used up all his good ideas back in the '70s and '80s. Exhibit A: ...Well, pretty much anything he's done since the late '80s. But what I want to focus on here is Exhibit B: He recently suggested to Samuel L. Jackson, the most notorious part whore in all of Hollywood that perhaps he should start thinking about directing. Not to suggest that Jackson might not be a talented director -- we'll never know until he actually does it -- but why do I think this might be something Lucas suggests to every actor out there, ever? I mean, not everyone is cut out to direct, George. (See also: Wars, Star - Episodes I, II, III).
I never wanted to be one of those dudes on the Internet who criticizes everything. Especially not someone who criticizes a comic book movie for being a less-than-faithful adaptation of the source material. Especially not someone who is basing their opinion on a 2-minute trailer for said movie. But what the hell is going on in Frank Miller's Spirit trailer? [It's been taken down, but presumably not for improvement.] I mean, seriously? We get it, you've got some hot actresses in your movie. But at what point does the film stop being an adaptation of Will Eisner's classic hero and start being a domino-mask-wearing version of The Bachelor?
Frank Miller's The Spirit came out on DVD this week, and it was my first time seeing it. Despite being a lifelong Spirit fan and semi-regular Miller fan (I know, nobody cares about my life story), I had sworn not to go see the movie in the theaters after failing to recognize anything I loved about the original comics in any of the trailers, and felt vindicated as I heard the reports from my braver friends. The movie was a train wreck, they said, and I looked forward to giggling through it in the comfort of my home. Man, did I not know what I was getting myself into. The movie is such a bizarre, jumbled mess on so many levels that I had to sit down to figure out what was actually wrong with it, and if the wrongness could have somehow been singled out and repaired. It's obviously too late to repair anything, but if I could somehow go back in time and save something I should have loved from being god-awful, this is what I would fix...
Call it "How the Grinch Stole Watchmen." After initially deciding that it would be impossible for him to make a ruling, Judge Gary Allen Feess (not a typo) has changed his mind and decided -- on Christmas Eve -- that Fox does have the right to distribute Warner Bros'. Watchmen movie. What the...? I'm willing to bet someone on the Warner Bros. legal team made fun of his name. Well, now Warner Bros. is going to have to pay out the nose to get it released, or actually give Fox the distribution rights, assuming Fox even wants either of those things.
Scarlett Johansson, 23, and Ryan Reynolds, 31, wed secretly over the weekend in British Columbia (Reynolds is from Vancouver). Apparently, Johansson decided to define "not rushing into it" as a little more than a month, since she said in early August that she's only 23 and "There's no reason to rush into it," adding that "we're just taking it easy. And no big plan yet." Then again, it was a SECRET wedding (there has been no confirmation of the actual wedding location, for instance), so maybe that was part of her diversion tactic.
Have you ever seen those "WWJD?" bracelets or bumper stickers and wondered, "What would Jesus really do?" Well, at long last, I've found the answer to the question that has weighed on the minds of philosophers, theologians and crafty religious merchandisers alike. As it turns out, Jesus would go to Comic-Con. Jesus Christ, like many other superstars in "the biz", will be out promoting his movie at the multimedia convention in San Diego later this month.
In a move that everybody who witnessed how well Beverly Hills Chihuahua did saw coming, the latest cutesy dog picture to come out of Hollywood, Marley & Me, came in at number one at the box office, with $37 million for the weekend, and a whopping $51.6 million since Christmas. Sure, sympathetic tabloid fodder Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson may have helped those numbers, but never underestimate the power of puppies (or puppy-dog eyes).
Proving this country loves nothing if not its dogs, Marley & Me held tight to its position at the top of the box office this weekend, adding $24.1 million, for a two-week total of $106.5. Impressive, yes? Indeed. Even for a dog film. According to Box Office Mojo, it's "the third-highest grossing dog movie on record," a coveted position, as we all know. It falls behind only Scooby-Doo (really? That movie?) and 101 Dalmatians, and is fast approaching the top of that list.
Forget Sam Jackson's cameos in Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk as [SPOILER ALERT FOR PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN CAVES] Nick Fury, Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. -- let's start talking about his Christmas-present turn as a villain in Frank Miller's The Spirit. Miller, co-director of Sin City and author of the Sin City and 300 comics, is back behind the camera, this time adapting the work of one of his comic book forebears, Will Eisner's The Spirit, and Jackson will be playing the Spirit's rarely-seen, striped-glove-wearing foe, the Octopus. Because as everyone knows, Sam Jackson can wear the heck out of a pair of gloves.