Sometimes movie taglines leave something to be desired. For example, the tagline for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is "Life isn't measured in minutes, but in moments." Compare that to, say, Armageddon's "Time to kick some asteroid." I contend this was one of the most informative taglines ever, because it not only told you there'd be an asteroid in the movie, but the pun was so terrible that it also prepared you for the giant ball of crap that was about to hurtle into your local theater. There was also Alien's now-iconic "In space, no one can hear you scream." From that one line, you know it's going to be good and scary, and it's going to be good and scary in space. Just going from Benjamin Button's tagline, you'd never know what it was about. Is it something you'd find mass-inscribed in a Mother's Day card? Is it the personal philosophy of a mayfly? So to help you decide what to seek out (or what to avoid) here are are a few alternative taglines for recent, current and upcoming movies.
There are just a few days till the golden statuettes are handed out. You're running out of time to see all the nominees so you can sound like you know what you're talking about at your Oscar party. Don't panic! You have options. You could call in sick and go on a nonstop marathon of movie watching, get your guests liquored up on party night so they just think you know what you're talking about, or tell everyone you're taking a vow of silence until Capitol Hill sorts out this whole economic stimulus thing. All these carry with them a certain amount of risk, though, so I propose a fourth option: just watch Pixar's WALL-E instead. Seriously. Recently I was embarking on my own movie marathon to re-familiarize myself with the choices. I started with WALL-E, which is up for an award in the Animated Feature category, and it occurred to me how it shared many elements of other Oscar nominees. Really, if you've seen this endearing story, you've seen most of the others. Keep reading to find out how adorable robots can help you out come the night of the 81st Academy Awards.
If you weren't one of the people who was totally befuddled by The Fountain, then you're probably waiting with bated breath for director Darren Aronofsky's next picture. Pi and Requiem for a Dream established Aronofsky as a major talent, and his next picture -- with its combination of mainstream subject matter, amazingly talented actors and Marisa Tomei stripping -- is sure to take the country by storm. That's probably why Fox Searchlight outbid all comers at the Toronto International Film Festival for the rights to distribute The Wrestler, which only last week won the Golden Lion in Venice. (Man, I wish I had a gold lion.)
After nearly two decades spent in B-movies, thankless roles and boxing rings, Mickey Rourke is once again being praised for his acting, and he stands on the brink of winning the most prestigious acting award in the land -- the Academy Award for Best Actor. If he wins, it's a total game-changer, and his life and career have the potential to improve dramatically. We've thought about it, and come up with a list of ways that Rourke's life will change once he's holding that little gold statue in his hands.
What do you do for an encore after your film, The Wrestler, was the buzz of this year's Toronto Film Festival? What's your next move after you've directed Mickey Rourke to a potential Oscar nomination in said film, revitalizing his career in the process? If you're Darren Aronofsky, you don't go to Disney World. Instead, you tackle a flick about Old Detroit's knight in shining armor, then write a script about the Original Love Boat, Noah's Ark. To hell with readin', 'ritin' and 'rithmetic; the new R's are rasslin', Robocop and religion.