Have you ever bit into a Jelly Belly jellybean, expecting it to be something tasty, like Toasted Marshmallow, but instead it's something nasty, like Buttered Popcorn? I totally got ready for marshmallows when I saw a news story that announced that there was a trailer out for the movie G-Force. I was like, "Awesome! Finally, a full trailer for the sure-to-be-excellent computer-animated movie about a team of five crime fighters in bird suits, based on the Japanese cartoon of the same name that I grew up watching!" Then I clicked the link, and the taste of Buttered Popcorn jellybeans filled my mouth. G-Force the movie is something totally, totally different, and totally, totally nauseating.
I dreaded having to see Death at a Funeral, Chris Rock's American remake of the British film. For one thing, I'm ambivalent at best about the original, and the trailers for the remake looked terrible even by remake standards. Not to mention Chris Rock's (and Martin Lawrence's) unyielding passion for making bad movies. So I sat down at a press screening expecting an excruciating experience. And lo and behold, I laughed my ass off.
As a general rule, the only thing I hate more than romantic comedies is talking animal movies. I think I've made that clear. But for some reason there will always be one of the latter every couple of years that has me enthralled from the marketing get-go, which somehow convinces me to fork over my hard-earned cash and sit down in a family-filled theater to watch something really, really dumb. Alvin and The Chipmunks was an example of this inexplicable phenomenon, and I fricking loved it. Loved it. And now it seems G-Force has filled my stupid talking animal movie excitement quota, because I really want to see it. Not that there aren't drawbacks: Penelope Cruz is involved and there's a fart joke in the trailer, but there actually seems to be a lot of good outweighing the bad in this movie.
Whether or not you've read the children's book it's based on, you're probably as curious as I am to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, the upcoming animated film from Sony. I mean, come on -- it's a movie about food falling from the sky! Even if you don't consider the more horrific aspects of what that implies, it's something that's never been seen on film before -- although Adam Sandler's new movie Bedtime Stories apparently features a hail of gumballs. But does it feature as amazing a cast as Cloudy?
The recent announcement that SNL's parody sketch "MacGruber" would be following MacGyver into movie theaters got us thinking about the state of the SNL movie machine. We haven't seen a new SNL sketch-based movie in a while, probably because the last dozen or so have been terrible, but not all of them have been. Some of the earliest ones, like The Blues Brothers and Wayne's World are classics, and even Superstar and The Waterboy are pretty damn funny. So we shouldn't let travesties like The Ladies' Man and It's Pat keep us from getting funny movies based on funny, funny sketches. The formula can still work, dammit! Here's a bunch of sketches we'd like to see feature-length.
Cop Out, the Kevin Smith-directed -- but not Kevin Smith-written -- buddy cop parody movie starring Tracy Morgan and Bruce Willis, comes out this week, and for some reason, the studio is allowing reviewers to see it beforehand. Which is brave, because this movie is so bad I was embarrassed for Bruce Willis. Who I love, but I mean, Bruce Willis makes bad movies constantly, and I've never felt explicitly embarrassed for him before. Hell, I'd even say I was embarrassed for Kevin Smith, and Kevin Smith is insufferable. That's how bad this movie is.