You'd think that a giant robot from outer space would do better than a regular car at capturing and killing Shia LaBeouf, but the regular car came closer, causing LaBeouf to undergo extensive hand surgery after a July 27 car wreck in which he rolled his Ford F-150 pickup truck. Now, it looks like Transformers: Rise of the Fallen director Michael Bay is going to give the Decepticons the credit after all. La Beouf's mashed fingers will be written -- sorry, "written" -- into the movie so filming can continue.
Today, director Michael Bay released on his blog a teaser poster for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, featuring the titular "fallen" Transformer who will be the sequel's main bad guy. And since I saw it, I've spent the last seven hours vacillating back and forth between excitement and skepticism. So why am I so torn about the new movie coming out this summer? Because for everything that I love about Transformers, there's something that I hate about Bay's vision of them, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be as disappointed by this one as I was by the first. Bear with me while I pull a High Fidelity and make a list of pros and cons for why I have to see (or really shouldn't see) this movie.
Michael Bay's Transformers sequel, titled Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, just got devastatingly awesomer. Yes, we realize this is the sequel to the movie where a robot peed on John Turturro, but bear with us. Apparently, when we reported on the robots who would appear in the film, the one vaguely identified as "Constructicon Earth Mover" was exactly that -- a big, green dump truck. (And we mean big -- like, end of Jackie Chan's Mr. Nice Guy big.) And while they could have easily called any construction-vehicle-based Decepticon a Constructicon, it seems as if they are actually going to do what they promised, and introduce multiple Constructicons, who will merge together to form... Devastator! [Men and geeky women everywhere cheer. All other women slowly lose interest.]
So here's the thing -- after barely keeping things under control following last week's news, my excitement over the next Transformers movie, Revenge of the Fallen, is kicking into overdrive. Something in my brain is getting me all worked up over all this stuff that I'm hearing and seeing, and no amount of Bumblebee urinating on John Turturro in my head seems to help. Oh well, I'm just going to embrace it. So maybe I get severely disappointed later on -- big deal! Welcome to my life.
The full title of Transformers 2 has been revealed! Since part of the movie was being filmed in Pennsylvania, I was hoping it would be called Transformers 2: Amish Paradise, but that is not the case. (Also, Pennsylvania is apparently standing in for China.) No, the movie is called Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, thereby guaranteeing that Megatron, who we last saw at the bottom of the Dino de Laurentian Abyss, will be making a return. The film also has the distinct honor of being the 27th sequel to have the word "Revenge" in the title.
Will it be able to live up to the legacy of other great "revenge" movies? Let's compare:
Transformers fans are fawning over any facts or pictures they can find from the set of the new Transformers movie, Revenge of the Fallen, and they just got a doozy. While one complaint about the last film was "not enough robots" (a complaint I don't understand, since there were a dozen of them, and you could barely tell them apart from each other), Revenge seems to be correcting that with three times as many in this film, according to a producer. That includes the return of main baddie Megatron with a new tank mode, the franchise's first female Transformer (Arcee), its first combiner Transformer (Devastator) and the evil Transformer boogeyman The Fallen -- all of whom are straight out of the comic and toy line. The latest news has people agog, though: Isobel Lucas, who co-stars in the film with Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox, may be a Transformer herself.
If I were a movie star, the one thing I'd get is a personal driver. This is why I don't understand why celebrities continue to drive themselves around town -- and over embankments and under other cars. In the past week, Shia LeBeouf crashed while doing his Tara Reid imitation, crushing his hand in the process, and Easy Reader flipped his vehicle in Mississippi. Don't these folks have enough money to hire professional stunt drivers -- I mean, chauffeurs? Let's check in on our recuperating celebs. I'm glad they're both going to be all right -- so I can make fun of them!
If Shia LaBoeuf crashes his car and no one is there to see it, will it make a sound? The answer to that is yes, and the sound is that of another young star hurting his career. Oh, and the video cameras (at the scene in time to catch his car upside-down) and media buzz, of course. We wouldn't want to forget that.
I must be a glutton for punishment. Despite not liking the first Transformers movie (although I like this one), I am desperate for new information about the sequel. Maybe it's because I used to work in the toy industry, or maybe it's because I subconsciously liked it on some level. No, that second one is too horrible to contemplate. Let's say it's entirely professional curiosity. It will help me sleep at night.
Far be it from me (or TWoP) to report news from the scandal-riddled gossip rags, but Shia LaBoeuf might lose a finger, you guys. And, okay, it's not that far from me (or TWoP) to report news from the scandal-riddled gossip rags. Star Magazine has come out with a story that, due to injuries to his left hand that he sustained in a recent car accident, doctors have informed the star that he may have to amputate one of his injured fingers. The pinky, for all of you morbidly curious. I'm not sure what's more upsetting; the fact that a bright young (if maybe in need of a quick jaunt to Promises) kid may become of the few true Hollywood amputees, or the fact that Defamer already used the Shia-LaBoeuf-has-more-talent-in-his-little-finger-than-most-of-you-have-in-your-whole-body, unfortunately-they're-cutting-it-off joke. Damn them.