Because there's apparently nothing new under the sun, the 1981 Harry Hamlin toga fest Clash of the Titans is being remade. News of the remake has been circulating for a while has been out for a while, with reports that Blade director Steve Norrington would direct, but the movie's only just now been greenlit by Warner Brothers, thanks to a change in directors. Hot on the heels of his success with The Incredible Hulk, Louis Leterrier is set to take the reins of this refurbished ancient Greek chariot and drive it to the finish line. Warner Brothers wants him to hurry, though, because he isn't in the race alone: Variety reports that the studio is hoping to make it to theaters ahead of Relativity Media and its own epic Greek god flick, War of Gods. But how to speed up production to secure a victory?
So picture Jason Voorhees, Leatherface, Chucky, and Pinhead sitting at table in a dimly lit hotel ballroom. Nearby, a bored DJ periodically remembers to change to a new song, and other people sit around their own tables picking at cold chicken and linguini, reminiscing over their glory days. It's like your worst high school reunion, except instead of the quarterback who used to torture you, these are the horror icons of the '70s and '80s whose movies have been remade, rebooted, or reimagined. Suddenly, the doors swing wide and in strides a guy in a green and red sweater and skin even worse than yours when you worked the whole summer standing over the deep fryer at the local burger hut. It's Freddy Krueger, natch, and he announces he's joining the group: The Nightmare on Elm Street remake has just gotten the green light. Then he throws in some kind of terrible pun for old time's sake and the others commiserate with him.
For those out there that have always wanted to see Michael Douglas in rhinestones, fur and pink (all at the same time), your dreams will come true in the not-too-distant future. Hey... Where'd everybody go? I was just trying to let them know that Michael Douglas has signed on to star in the upcoming Steven Soderbergh biopic about Liberace. It's true--Liberace himself had a lower hairline than Mr. Douglas currently does, but like I tell my boyfriend, oh my god, please wipe the crumbs off the counter. Also: It takes a real man to wear pink. Douglas will comb his hair forward, don the pink tuxedo and maybe even keep the counters clean as Mr. Showbiz for his Traffic director.