Watch out, Witchblade -- if you don't pick up the pace, you might not be the first sexy Top Cow comic book character to make it to the big screen, and I might stop obsessively writing stories about you. Even though you've already lined up a writer, director and teaser poster, the Magdalena is coming up close behind you. And while that may sound sexy, it could conceivably give you some competition in the scantily-clad, female evil-fighter category. (God forbid Uwe Boll decides to make another Bloodrayne film, or Barb Wire inexplicably makes a comeback.)
Well, it's been a while since I talked about the Witchblade movie, so I thought I'd jump back in with a crazy Witchblade sandwich. No, not the kind with Witchblade in the middle (although those are tasty), but the kind with Witchblade as one piece of bread and her aquatic, equally scantily-clad comic-book counterpart Fathom as the other piece of bread. In the middle? Megan Fox. Now, that sounds like a delicious sandwich. Anyway, Megan Fox has been linked to both roles in two months, and I just thought I'd let you know so all of the Megan Fox fans can start picturing her in skimpy outfits. ...Because I highly doubt anyone was doing that already.
I swear to God that this is my last blog post about vampires, werewolves or Witchblade for a while. I know, I talk about one or the other pretty much every day in the Moviefile, but they're all pretty awesome, and we just happen to be living at the right time to be fans of these things. And since I just happened to stumble across a couple of news items involving werewolves and vampires, I thought I'd clue you all in. If you're not interested, scroll down and read about Jennifer Lopez; if you are, then read on...if you dare!
A while back we reported on how the producers of the Witchblade movie had released a teaser poster before a writer or director had been chosen. Since no actors had actually signed on, a generically sexy female was shown on the poster wearing the Witchblade gauntlet. But once the teaser site went up spotlighting the scantily clad superheroine, the film quickly gained a director and a writer -- so why hasn't that worked for Conan?
Top Cow Productions and Platinum Studios are really excited about their planned Witchblade movie, and they want you to get excited, too. How excited are they? They've created a teaser site, and a teaser image, and a teaser naked woman to promote it, and not a thing has been written, cast or filmed yet. Am I complaining about unnecessary naked women, who serve no discernible purpose? Not at all. But don't you at least want that naked woman to be the actual naked woman who's going to be naked in the film? Just for continuity's sake?
Whether you're a fan of the Yancy Butler TV series or a survivor of the "Bad Girl" era of mid-1990s comic books, there's good news on the way for Witchblade fans. According to a recent press release from Top Cow Comics, the scantily clad policewoman in the stainless-steel bikini-and-gauntlet combo will be making the leap to the big screen, in a co-production between Top Cow, Platinum Studios and Arclight Films. While production has not begun, we imagine it will be somewhere between the more realistic TV series and the hyper-erotic anime made by Studio Gonzo...but hopefully closer to the anime. (Leather jackets are great, but nothing puts butts in seats like metal claws supporting your cleavage.)
Last week we reported on the revelation of the first teaser poster for the 2009 Witchblade movie, depicting a bare-assed model wielding the superheroine's mystical gauntlet. While no actress has yet been cast in the sure to be boob-licious role, they have chosen a director and a writer! And they're actually pretty experienced, too -- none of those two-credits-on-IMDb fellows here. Only one problem -- they're Australian. I don't trust anyone whose toilet flushes clockwise.