Whether you'll be sitting down to a turkey dinner or a Tofurkey lunch this Thanksgiving, we invite you to reflect upon the following ten movies from 2008. They weren't necessarily the lowest-grossing pictures of the year, but they failed to live up to financial expecations, in a big way. These suckers plummeted to the earth, flightless and doomed, like those poor gobblers dropped from a helicopter in that famous episode of WKRP in Cincinnati. It's not hard to imagine some of the investors saying, much like dazed radio station manager Arthur Carlson, "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly." But they couldn't, and they can't, so they've landed here with a resounding thud.
So Kevin Smith's newest movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, is about two friends who make a porno to earn some cash. Seems simple enough, and since we've got nothing but time on our hands and dirty thoughts running through our minds, we got to wondering what it would be like if all Kevin Smith's films were porn films instead of the slightly perverse films that they are. In some cases, it really wasn't that hard. (Haha... we said hard.)
If there's two things America loves, it's high school and musicals. Okay, not everyone loves high school -- social outcasts, I'm looking at you -- but most young kids can't wait to get there, and most adults wish they could relive it. So it's no wonder that High School Musical 3: Senior Year remains at the top of the U.S. box office for the second week in a row, bringing in another $15 million for a total of $61.7 million. In other frightening -in-a-wholly-expected-way Halloween news, Beverly Hills Chihuahua made another $4.7 million and is still at #6, for a total of $84 million. Because if there's three additional things Americans love, it's dogs, Mexico and rich people.
Not one day after our own Odie Henderson demanded that the movie-going world stop laughing at on-screen penises, Kevin Smith has promised full-frontal male nudity in his newest comedy, Zack and Miri Make a Porno. In an interview with MTV, Smith admitted that Jason Mewes would let it all hang out in what he called "a comedically drawn caricature of not just sex, but porno sex." Not 24 hours have passed, and he's already setting the movement back. Sorry, Odie.
In a recent interview, Kevin Smith said that he thought sex was silly, which is why he keeps making movies about it. But is that the truth? His characters are funny, and they talk a lot about sex, but the actual sex is usually pretty scary or horrifying or emotionally scarring or just plain wrong. Is there no such thing as normal sex between two happy, consenting, breathing people in his films? We decided to take a look at his oeuvre and see if the pattern is as obvious as we think it is.
After making thousands of references to Star Wars in his movies, Kevin Smith is finally putting his money where his mouth is: $50 million, to be precise. The geek-favorite director has finished the first draft of a screenplay for a science-fiction comedy film, and he's already shown it to Harvey and Bob Weinstein, who are interested in making it. The film would be Smith's most expensive to date, costing $45-50 million; that budget blows away his current film, the $25 million Zack and Miri Make a Porno, which has as its centerpiece a porno film based on... yes, you guessed it, Star Wars. Smith's sci-fi debut will also reference famous sci-fi films, but here's hoping that it's of the non-porn variety. (Think more Spaceballs and less Star Ballz.)
Hell hath no fury like comic book fans scorned. A recent post at LatinoReview.com caused all manner of angry response and controversy. Seems Lionsgate Films were continuing their current trend of pissing off gorehounds by forcing the director of the upcoming Punisher reboot to deliver a PG-13 rated cut. This after the folks at Comic Con got a decidedly R-rated preview of the upcoming film. Rumors flew like tennis balls at a Williams sisters match: director Lexi Alexander had been fired, the movie was horrible, the movie was butchered by the MPAA, etc. The one thing that appears to be true is that the film exists. After two previous misfires, I question why people are hoping this movie will give them what they finally want. Is the third time the charm?