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Reviews of Movies We've Actually Seen
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2: This Is the End, My Only FriendTo reverse that old T.S. Eliot line, the highly anticipated climactic chapter in the Harry Potter film franchise, based on the blockbuster books by J.K. Rowling, ends not with a whimper but with a bang. Lots of bangs, to be precise. If the first half of the protracted two-part finale suffered from a surfeit of set-up with no payoff, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 is nothing but climax.
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Harry Potter may embark on his final adventure in the just-released Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2, but that doesn't mean we have to leave J.K. Rowling's wizarding world behind for good. Check out our gallery of potential spin-offs we'd like to see and sound off with your own picks for characters that deserve their own movies.
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Adventures in Fakery, The Casting Conch
Spreading the Machete: Film Franchises That Need More Danny TrejoYou may not know this, but the main character in Machete first appeared in the Spy Kids movies. It's true! Okay, so technically, it wasn't exactly the same character, but Danny Trejo played another guy named "Machete" who was the uncle to the titular child agents, and also a spy and inventor himself. He wasn't a bloodthirsty killer, but Trejo certainly made the franchise more awesome simply by being in it -- just as he did in the From Dusk Till Dawn movies, as well as the last two Mariachi flicks. Now he's got his own franchise, with two more Machete movies supposedly on the way, but why is Robert Rodriguez the only one taking advantage of his awesomeness? The man would make a valuable addition to any existing franchise -- here are seven we think should grab him while he's hot.
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Girls on Film, Letterbox of Recommendations
Jennifer's Body: The Ten Least Believably Nerded-Up Girls on FilmIn Hollywood, apparently all you need to establish "nerdy" is a pair of glasses, limp hair and some frumpy clothing. Unfortunately, while unusual-looking leading men are plentiful in Hollywood, unusual-looking leading women must be in short supply, because the movies have a tendency to "nerd up" gorgeous young starlets and try to convince us that they are friendless outcasts. In Jennifer's Body, Amanda Seyfried dons the glasses to play the nerdy, less-popular friend of Megan Fox, despite being every bit as pretty -- as if her friend wouldn't give her any fashion tips! Ellen Page will similarly nerd up for Whip It next month, and the pair have gotten us thinking about the other adorable women of Hollywood who have worn the glasses, the lab coats and the sweats of the nerd. Keep in mind that this list doesn't include the generally frumped-up (Cameron Diaz in Being John Malkovich), the nerdy-in-flashback (Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed) and the supermodel scientists that aren't even trying (any female mathematician or computer tech in a James Bond movie).
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Adventures in Fakery, Camera... Action Jackson!, Lights, Sci-Fidelity, Separate but Sequel, You Got Comic Book in My Movie
Ten Movies that Need Prequels More than AlienDirector Ridley Scott recently announced that he was about to begin work on a prequel to one of his most popular films, the sci-fi/horror/genre-defining movie Alien. While we can't deny that we'd love to see a good Alien movie, a prequel seems like the wrong way to go, since Sigourney Weaver's Ripley, the fan-favorite character from the series, couldn't be in it, and to show where exactly the xenomorphs come from would take all of the mystery out of them. We came up with a list of genre films that need prequels -- good ones -- more than Alien does, starting with another Ridley Scott film...
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A new adaptation of Beverly Cleary's Ramona Quimby novel Ramona Forever hits theaters this weekend with a new name (Ramona and Beezus) and some fancy Disney royalty casting in Selena Gomez as Beezus. But, despite some fun supporting casting (Sandra Oh, Ginnifer Goodwin), the movie looks like generic tripe. Which is terribly sad, considering how much fun the Ramona novels actually are. It's so sad that it makes me want to focus on movie adaptations of kids novels that are actually good instead. Like these!
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Harry Potter is going to need another vault at Gringotts, because the opening weekend of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part One made more money than any HP installment so far, and landed the number-six spot on the list of biggest opening weekends of all time. It's almost as if a lot of people really want to see how the seven-part story is going to end, even though it won't actually be concluded until Part 2 comes out next summer! Who would have thought it?! In bigger news, the HP franchise is only $80 million behind Star Wars, which means it will be the highest-grossing franchise within the month. Somewhere, George Lucas is realizing that a successful cartoon series doesn't mean squat in the annals of motion-picture history.
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Reviews of Movies We've Actually Seen, Separate but Sequel
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1: Darker, Better, Slower, LongerI realize that this review is entirely pointless. Either you're going to go see the final chapter in a seven-part fantasy epic, or you're not. Even if you haven't read the books they're based on, I'm pretty sure you didn't walk out of the sixth movie and go, "Eh, I'm done with that." Either you're definitely going to see it, or you have zero interest, having never gotten involved. That said, if, by some slim chance, you once tried the series and disliked it, I would urge you to reconsider. Just like the books, each film has gotten progressively darker and more adult, and director David Yates, who's done the last two entries, has taken advantage of the two-part split for this chapter and given every scene the time it deserves, allowing it to deliver the full dose of emotion and/or creepiness. Plus, it's got quite possibly the best movie cliffhanger of all time.
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Musicalifornication, Scary Monsters & Super Creeps, Sci-Fidelity, Separate but Sequel, We Call Do-Over, You Got Comic Book in My Movie
Band/Movie Soundtrack Pairings We Want More Than AC/DC and Iron Man 2Jon Favreau must really like AC/DC. Or, more likely, the band's blistering guitar rock, violent lyrics and electrically inspired name simply make them perfect candidates to provide the entire soundtrack to Iron Man 2. Rockers providing soundtracks is nothing new, but rather than featuring all-new songs, like Queen did for Highlander and Daft Punk is doing for Tron, the AC/DC soundtrack will be a "greatest hits" collection, including some of their best-known anthems from as far back as 1976. (The promo video is set to 1980's "Shoot to Thrill.") With this in mind, we looked at other tentpole films slated for this year and picked the bands (and solo artists) with suitable back catalogs to provide all of the music for each movie.
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For Kids!, Galleries (and Other Picture Postcards), Taste the Reading Rainbow, You Know
Harry Potter and the Handy Character DatabaseCan you believe it's been two years since the last Harry Potter film came out? ...You can? Yeah, it does feel like a long time, doesn't it. Well, it's time to refresh your memory about what happened last time, and who everybody is, so you can go into the new film and know what the hell's going on. Because there are a lot of characters in these films. Between the students and the teachers and the parents and the Death-Eaters, nobody gets more than five minutes of screentime, and it's hard to keep their stories straight. Luckily, we've created a handy-dandy Harry Potter Character Guide with pictures of all of the old characters and a few new ones, plus info on what happened last time and what their status is at the start of this one. It's non-spoilery, so don't worry about us giving away the extremely shocking ending of the movie which everyone already knows about anyway. Still, if you don't want to know how it ends, you should probably leave the Internet.
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