Is there something like the SPCA, only for action stars that maybe aren't quite as youthful as they once were? I can't help but think someone, somewhere needed to step in where The Spy Next Door is concerned and get Jackie Chan out of there. As some former knock-'em-out stars start heading toward their fifties and beyond, they try to transition into more mainstream roles. This isn't always easy, and some missteps will be made. In Chan's case, the missteps are becoming full-fledged leaps, as news come down the wire that Billy Ray Cyrus and George Lopez have just been cast to co-star with him in the comedy about mistaken identities. The two latest additions play CIA agents. The lineup, the premise... the whole thing has a "direct-to-DVD" sort of feel to it.

Tags: Billy Ray Cyrus, Dolph Lundgren, George Lopez, Ivan Drago, Jackie Chan, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Rocky IV, Sylvester Stallone, The Expendables, The Spy Next Door

Further developments were announced today on the progress of a film remake I had very much hoped would just go away, leaving me with the perfect cheesy mid-'80s kids' movie safely nestled in my memory along with catchy power ballads and squirt gum. Apparently, the Karate Kid remake is rolling along, with Jackie Chan joining the project as the new Mr. Miyagi. Therefore, I've decided to say to sweet fuck-all with the great memories, Hollywood -- why don't you just go and remake (and ruin) every film I hold dear? I know you're going to anyway. Here are a few films you could start with:

Tags: Flight of the Navigator, Goonies, Gremlins, Jackie Chan, Karate Kid, Mr. Miyagi, Short Circuit, Space Camp, The Last Starfighter, War Games

Martial arts movie legend Jackie Chan is set to star in The Spy Next Door, according to The Hollywood Reporter. He'll play a man "who is called to baby-sit his neighbor's children and winds up having to fight off secret agents after one of the kids inadvertently downloads a secret code." And you thought MySpace and porny chat rooms were all you had to worry about when your kids turned on the computer. Well, good thing the family just happens to live next door to a high-flying, high-kicking master of ass-whoopings. When I was a kid, if my parents had called the neighbor in to babysit me and my brother, a killer tamale recipe would have been her only weapon.

Tags: Jackie Chan, martial arts, The Pacifier, The Tuxedo, Vin Diesel