If the woman who brought the world "My Humps" caught your eye, congratulations. You're not functionally retarded. And yet, that list is in fact an up-to-the-minute inventory of the cast of the impending Rob Marshall musical/celeb circle jerk Nine. People, what is this world coming to? When cinematic icons like Sophia Loren and Dame (yes, Dame) Judi Dench -- who between them have enough gold statuettes to melt down and turn into a to-scale facsimile of the Egyptian pyramids -- are condemned to share screen time with a woman who once pissed her pants on stage during a particularly rowdy rendition of "Let's Get Retarded," well, I just don't know what.
More casting has been announced for Rob Marshall's planned big screen adaptation of the Tony-winning musical Nine. According to today's Hollywood Reporter, Judi Dench and Nicole Kidman are reportedly climbing aboard the train. (Dench and Kidman? Three guesses what company is producing the movie and the first two don't count. Hint: The company's namesake rhymes with whinesign. Already cast are Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz, Sophia Loren and Marion Cotillard, though no word if Cotillard actually will bother to do her own singing this time. Now, I've admittedly never seen a stage production of Nine, based on Fellini's great film 8 1/2 in case you were unaware, but while Maury Yeston's score is fine, this is not a show that screams commercial appeal. Hell, would a re-release of 8 1/2 itself even be profitable? Nine isn't a crowd pleaser such as Chicago and even one that would seem tailor made to be one can land with a thud when it's transferred as poorly as The Producers was. I love movie musicals, but I fear if Hollywood goes crazy making films of ones that seem doomed to fail, they may disappear yet again.