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Reviews of Movies We've Actually Seen, Scary Monsters & Super Creeps, Sci-Fidelity
Priest: He Needs to Pray Just to Make it to DaylightDespite their subject matter, dystopic, post-apocalyptic films can be a lot of fun if you let them. Doomsday, for instance, took the nightmare concept of Escape From New York and wisely inserted the manic action and crazy characters of Road Warrior. But when your world is already ridiculously bleak, there's no need to drain the color out of it as well, both literally and figuratively. In Priest, the world is all blacks and greys -- the cities, the desert, the vampire hives, even the vampires are all shades of bleh. And the dialogue is so cookie-cutter that it might as well be grey, too, along with the leaping-through-the-air and-throwing-bladed-weapons-in-slo-mo action sequences. But, while it all feels done to death, it at least touches on a variety of genres, and occasionally has a flash of quirkiness and inventiveness that hints at what the movie might have been, if it wasn't a mostly generic sci-fi flick.
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I Voted for GORE!, Scary Monsters & Super Creeps
Twilight: The Deadliest Vampire Attacks Of All TimeIn the latest installment of the Twilight saga, Eclipse, the characters learn of a rash of murders being committed in nearby Seattle by a gang of newborn vampires. Of course, in the world of Twilight there's a vampire police force, the Volturi, that would normally quell such a high-profile incident, but that isn't the case in every movie where vampires exist. Most of the time, it seems there is no force on Earth that can stand up to a vampire, especially when there's more than one of them. What follows are some of the deadliest vampire attacks ever recorded on film, in terms of number of humans killed/turned.
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Edward Cullen. Bill Compton. Damon and Stefan Salvatore. What's with all these pretty vampires nowadays? In our day, vampires were ugly, horrific monsters, and they still got the ladies, even if they had to abduct them in the dead of night. Seeing John C. Reilly's vampire character in Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant -- with his pallid flesh and disfiguring scars -- made us realize how awesome vampires are when they're monstrous. Check out our gallery of the ugliest vampires and see what really lurks in the dark, besides high cheekbones.
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I Voted for GORE!, Scary Monsters & Super Creeps, Sci-Fidelity, Taste the Reading Rainbow
If Abraham Lincoln Can Fight Vampires, then Teddy Roosevelt Better Fight AliensCementing his love of the offbeat, Tim Burton -- along with his 9 partner Timur Bekmambetov -- has announced that he will produce a film adaptation of the just-released book Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter. The screenplay will be written by the book's author, Seth Grahame-Smith, who also wrote Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which is also being made into a movie (albeit one directed by Natalie Portman). While former presidents have been used as great comedic devices in past films, (Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Dick), rarely do their biopics stray too far from the recorded histories. We'd love to see more movies like this, ones that take our favorite historical figures and have them do more exciting stuff than attend state dinners. Here are a few suggestions for former presidents.
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Remember that movie that came out last year, where Will Smith was the last man in Manhattan, and he fought vampires? Well, it did really well -- $584 million well, in fact -- so Warner Bros. has commissioned a prequel with Smith and returning director Francis Lawrence, according to Variety. (If you've seen the movie, you know why Smith can't be in a sequel.) The script, which is being developed now, will focus on the final days of mankind in New York as the virus sweeps through, turning everyone but Smith into a cannibal mutant. Although we were shown the sealing off of the island in flashback in the first movie, we didn't see what happened to all of the people who were left, or how Smith came to create his brownstone fortress. But my biggest concern is this: What the hell are they going to call it? I came up with a few ideas, but some of them have already been used for other projects.
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I Voted for GORE!, Scary Monsters & Super Creeps, We Call Do-Over
Vampire Movie Remake Gets Staked Through the HeartIf you were getting tired of movie remakes popping up with all the persistence and seeming immortality of a blood-sucking vampire, I have good news for you: At least one of those planned remakes is dead. It's been staked through the heart, its head has been cut off, and its corpse has been left out in the sun to go up like a properly flambéed Cherries Jubilee. I speak of the planned remake of that fun '80s horror romp, Fright Night, which has been sent to its grave, according to Shock Till You Drop.
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Because of their non-budget-restrained storylines and striking visuals, comic books have begun to rival real books and old 1970s TV shows as the top source of ideas for movies nowadays. For the same reason, comics are also the number-one source for stories in which one type of visually striking creature (aliens, cowboys, robots) fights another type of visually striking creature (pirates, demons, ninjas). Which is why, after being given movies where vampires fought werewolves (Underworld), Alaskans (30 Days of Night) and Coreys (Lost Boys 2: The Tribe), we can finally look forward to seeing vampires fight zombies.
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I Voted for GORE!, Scary Monsters & Super Creeps, You Got Comic Book in My Movie
Night Projectionist, About Vampires in a Movie Theater, Gets GreenlitApparently, Cinema Paradiso got it all wrong: Being a film projectionist is not a magical, life-changing experience. It's scary as hell. At least that's what comic book company Studio 407's new project, The Night Projectionist, wants us to think.
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Girls on Film, Scary Monsters & Super Creeps, Separate but Sequel, The Biz
Twilight Actors to Receive Mad Bank for Vampire SequelNot to say "I told you so," but, I told you so. Not that anyone was disagreeing with me. Not even in theaters a week and already the Twilight sequel New Moon has gotten the green light. And this when it hasn't even made $150 million yet (though director Catherine Hardwicke said it's on track to, which I guess is just as good). And while this may come as great news for fans (not that anyone was surprised, really), it comes as even greater news for the film's stars, who will each make $12 million dollars apiece working on it. Quite a salary hike, considering they each made only $2 million on the first film.
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Box Office Tally, Girls on Film, Scary Monsters & Super Creeps, Taste the Reading Rainbow
Twilight's Vampires Have Plenty of Bite at the Box OfficeI know this will come as a huge shock to anyone who has been living under a rock for the past several months of Twilight mania, but I'll just spill it: The movie, based on a series of books for teens, did phenomenally well at the box office. Starting with sold-out midnight screenings on Thursday, it went on to make $70.6 million in its opening weekend, joining an elite group of films to become profitable in a matter of days, a boon for small film company Summit Entertainment, which made the movie on a relative dime ($37 million to make the movie, another $30 million in marketing). And it jumped ahead of last week's box office winner Quantum of Solace for the fourth-highest opening weekend this year.
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