If you thought Paul Blart was the most genius comedy of the last decade, or have a particular affection for all things talking animal related, then this is the film for you. For the rest of the world (including myself), this movie is about as entertaining as you'd expect, by which I mean that there are perhaps ten genuinely funny minutes (I might be rounding up a tad) during the hour and a half running time. According to the credits, five people wrote this movie, but I honestly wish that the person responsible for the opening proposal scene had contributed more, because that might have upped the overall quality from a D to a solid C+.
Over the course of his career, Kevin James has held down a variety of blue collar jobs where wacky things happen. His breakout role was as a delivery guy for a UPS-like company on the CBS sitcom The King of Queens, who puts up with a crew of oddball buddies at work and an exasperating wife and father at home. James later went on to play a fireman that marries his best (male) friend in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and a mall cop who battles a gang of robbers Die Hard-style in Paul Blart: Mall Cop. His latest film, Zookeeper, casts him as... well, a zookeeper that discovers the animals under his care have the power of speech. So far this recipe of "blue collar job" + "wacky stuff" seems to be working out for him. After all, Queens ran for nine seasons and both Chuck and Larry and Paul Blart grossed over $100 million. With that in mind, here are five pitches for James' next big-screen outing. Oh and as an FYI to his agent: We accept royalty payments by cash, check or PayPal.