BLOGS

<I>Knowing</I>: You’ve Probably Seen All the Good Parts Already This movie weekend is surprisingly balanced with different kinds of movies opening. Great job, Hollywood! High five Ari Gold for me! You've got I Love You, Man for laughing, Duplicity for knowing what a farce not dissimilar to professional espionage that romance is, and Knowing for knowing that the world is an unavoidable ticking time bomb of doom and destruction.

Quick Knowing plot synopsis: Nicolas Cage plays a man of science whose young son digs up a 50-year-old time capsule that predicts the dates and death tolls of impending disasters (because of how worthwhile things are always being put in time capsules) and Cage has to stop something called "The Whisper People" who look like Krycek with a Spike dye job from ending the world. The trailer feels really Shyamalan-y with the whole there's an event happening and a man who sees no meaning in the world is taught that the world is lousy with meaning and he has to get it together to save his family and stop the world from ending thing. But really -- if the damn world is ending and there are supernatural albino fake Kryceks whispering around perpetrating it, what's Captain Corelli's Mandolin going to do about it? Make out with Penelope Cruz and hope the Nazis don't see? If that is the twist ending of the film and I just spoiled it for you I apologize. I should have written that down and put in a time capsule instead. I know that now. I have learned my lesson. Anyway, I watched the whole trailer and this movie looks a lot like these other movies:

Die Hard With a Vengeance
Specifically the part where the subway train jumps its track and tries to squish everyone on the platform while Nicolas Cage is inside it. The trailer cuts away after that, but I bet he emerges afterwards laughing about the whole thing to Samuel L. Jackson. Throw in a scene where Jeremy Irons attempts a Dutch accent rivaling the authenticity of Mike Myers' in Goldmember and I might actually go see this thing. (Just kidding, I'm totally seeing this thing no matter what. Like most people, I'm a sucker for formulaic time capsule movies!)

The Mothman Prophecies
Weird supernatural occurrences clearly predicting disasters in retrospect? It's basically the same thing. And there was a weird magical guy running around freaking out the protagonist (also a man of science who does a 180 on that by the end), and though he didn't look like Spicek (Spike/Krycek, I'm trying to save space now) it's basically the same thing.

Final Destination
Disaster will befall you! There is no stopping it! Natural order and all that. Pretty much the identical plot.

Next
You probably didn't see this because when I saw it with my idiot friend, we were the only two people in the theater, and this was the movie's opening night and I live in Manhattan which, I don't know if you've heard this or not, is kind of a crowded place. My point is Nicolas Cage plays a guy who is aware of disasters that are going to happen in the future and he is then used to prevent them. Knowing is Next but with a better director and a slightly better co-star (Rose Byrne over Jessica Biel).

Con Air
Nicolas Cage again, but you see that crazy ass plane part? Knowing is Con Air without the Vegas strip and John Malkovich forcing himself to speak the titular line with a straight face. Which, now that I type that out, I realize could be either better or worse. I do know that it's definitely worse if in the movie there's a part where, instead of someone saying "Welcome to Con Air" they say "Welcome to all this knowing!" or something.

Every Shyamalan Movie Ever (Except The Village, Which is the Enraging Exception to Every Shyamalan Joke Ever Told)
See intro.

Armageddon
All joking aside, Knowing is clearly just trying to be a popcorn movie with explosions for all of us overly critical jerks to enjoy. On the other hand, the only reason I would go see this is for that cool part in the commercials where Boston (I think it's Boston?) gets incinerated, but I already saw that happen to a sexier city (save the comments! It is!) when Michael Bay did it to Paris in 1998. Also the impending doom thing is similar in many ways, so my point actually does stand on this one.

Encyclopedia Brown: The Case of the Missing Time Capsule
I mean, just in general it's time Hollywood stopped ripping this guy off.

And a serious endnote, because I know I'm going to get it in the comments for not acknowledging this: Yes, I am aware that Alex Proyas directed this film and that he also directed Dark City, an excellent and ahead of its time science fiction classic that rules, particularly the recently released director's cut. That being said, Hollywood has forced Proyas to dumb down his films before for the sake of appealing to a bigger audience, and all I'm saying is that I suspect they've really outdone themselves with him on this project. Poor guy. Let's send him a time capsule!

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

MOST RECENT POSTS

BLOG ARCHIVES

Movies Without Pity

March 2014

16 ENTRIES

February 2014

22 ENTRIES

January 2014

21 ENTRIES

December 2013

25 ENTRIES

November 2013

21 ENTRIES

October 2013

26 ENTRIES

September 2013

16 ENTRIES

August 2013

22 ENTRIES

July 2013

22 ENTRIES

June 2013

21 ENTRIES

May 2013

22 ENTRIES

April 2013

19 ENTRIES

March 2013

28 ENTRIES

February 2013

16 ENTRIES

January 2013

16 ENTRIES

December 2012

21 ENTRIES

November 2012

19 ENTRIES

October 2012

20 ENTRIES

September 2012

19 ENTRIES

August 2012

19 ENTRIES

July 2012

17 ENTRIES

June 2012

24 ENTRIES

May 2012

21 ENTRIES

April 2012

22 ENTRIES

March 2012

26 ENTRIES

February 2012

25 ENTRIES

January 2012

25 ENTRIES

The Latest Activity On TwOP