BLOGS

Footloose: Five Ways to Modernize the Remake

The day that every child of the '80s has dreaded is here: the just-released trailer for Craig Brewer's Footloose confirms that this remake of the beloved 1984 classic is a real thing that will actually be in theaters in October to teach a whole new generation about the dangers of censorship and the exhilaration of dancing around abandoned warehouses in a wife beater. Based on this early glimpse, Footloose 2.0 looks an awful lot like its predecessor, right down to the VW Bug our hero Ren (professional dancer Kenny Wormald slipping into the tight, tight jeans previously worn by Kevin Bacon) drives around the small Southern burg of Bomont, which has banned dancing and "dangerous" music after five kids died in a car accident following a wild party. Sure there's a lot of truth to the old saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it," but there are a few ways Brewer could update the '84 version to reflect this modern age. For example...

Dude, Where's My Cell Phone?
The fact that none of the kids in the remake appear to have an iPhone, Droid X or even a freakin' enV is a major logical error. Not only would a cell phone be handy for sending nasty IMs to the preacher's daughter Ariel (Julianne Hough) -- y'know things like "OMG ur OF dad is a total PITA" -- but how else are the teens going to snap candid shots of themselves wilding out that they can post to Facebook or Twitter? And speaking of social media, why aren't they using those outlets to protest the town dance ban instead of those dumb cards that Ren is seen hanging on lockers in the trailers? If he really wanted to get his peers riled up and involved, he should just set up a Facebook group or come up with some kind of hashtag handle, like #FreeBomont or #DanceDanceRevolution. C'mon guys, what century is this movie supposed to be taking place in anyway?

Video Viruses
One of the many awesome things about Step Up 2: The Streets (easily the crowning achievement of the Step Up franchise) is the way it makes the whole viral video phenomenon an actual plot point. Given that Bomont is a place where people randomly seem to start dancing in groups whenever the mood strikes them, why isn't anyone filming these flash mobs and putting them up on YouTube for the whole world to see? With all the views they'd get, maybe they could land a coveted spot on Tosh.0.

So Ren Thinks He Can Dance?
Back in the '80s, reality TV star wasn't a viable career option. But these days, there are at least a dozen different shows that Ren could aspire to dance his ass off on rather than waste his time in small-town America. (Well, except Dance Your Ass Off, which Oxygen seems to have canned after two seasons.) He could even film his warehouse freakout and use it as an audition reel for So You Think You Can Dance or America's Best Dance Crew.

Easy Reading
In the original film, the elders of Bomont weren't too much interested in book learnin', famously banning Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five from being taught in school and hosting a good old-fashioned book burning to cleanse the town of other impure works of art. The good news for their descendants is that so few teens bother to read anymore, which means they don't have any books to burn in the first place. (If any pyromaniacal adults get desperate, they can always round up their kids' old copies of those demonic Harry Potter novels, which aren't too popular in many Southern states.) That said, a worldlier teen like Ren probably has an E-reader or two stashed away. In fact, when he shows up at the city council meeting to school them in the Bible, he should quote passages to them from the version he keeps on his iPad.

Remix This!
Let's face it: people don't remember Footloose fondly for its drama or brilliant acting. The main thing that sticks in your brain are those catchy (and so, so '80s) pop songs. No word yet on what the remake's soundtrack will consist of, but they can't pass up the opportunity to do a few new covers of the old hits, right? Just imagine Lea Michele belting "Let's Hear It for the Boy" with a drive-by appearance by Nicki Minaj. Or maybe Rihanna and Drake re-teaming for a hip-hop infused version of "Holding Out for a Hero." The possibilities are endless...much like our affection for Footloose.

Watch the trailer below and sound off in the comments with your own ideas for how to best update Footloose.

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

MOST RECENT POSTS

BLOG ARCHIVES

Movies Without Pity

March 2014

16 ENTRIES

February 2014

22 ENTRIES

January 2014

21 ENTRIES

December 2013

25 ENTRIES

November 2013

21 ENTRIES

October 2013

26 ENTRIES

September 2013

16 ENTRIES

August 2013

22 ENTRIES

July 2013

22 ENTRIES

June 2013

21 ENTRIES

May 2013

22 ENTRIES

April 2013

19 ENTRIES

March 2013

28 ENTRIES

February 2013

16 ENTRIES

January 2013

16 ENTRIES

December 2012

21 ENTRIES

November 2012

19 ENTRIES

October 2012

23 ENTRIES

September 2012

20 ENTRIES

August 2012

23 ENTRIES

July 2012

20 ENTRIES

June 2012

29 ENTRIES

May 2012

26 ENTRIES

April 2012

27 ENTRIES

March 2012

33 ENTRIES

February 2012

26 ENTRIES

January 2012

26 ENTRIES

The Latest Activity On TwOP