As we get closer to the fall television season, studios pick up the pace in releasing their previous season's TV shows on DVD -- even the canceled ones! Still, a couple of gory flicks managed to sneak into stores amidst all of the TV offerings, as well as a teen girl musical, an old man comedy and a retro sci-fi actioner celebrating its 25th birthday. Happy birthday!

I've figured out what it is about Stephen Sommers' movies that I absolutely despise. It's the fact that at no point in any of his films do I feel like any of what I'm watching is real. And it's not the mummies and the vampires and Sienna Miller's cleavage that make me think that -- it's the way the actors talk to each other, the way the music never stops, and the way that at no point does any character close his mouth. Every last moment is filled with dialogue, which isn't how the world works, and the constant music fills in any scenes they accidentally forgot to record dialogue for. At least Michael Bay had one or two scenes in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen with no music or no dialogue, and it seemed to be entirely on purpose. Meanwhile, Sommers has actually made a movie that may be worse than Van Helsing, which is saying something. Specifically, it's saying that there is no slam-dunk movie idea that Sommers cannot ruin, or at least make enjoyable only by slightly dim children.

Robert Rodriguez is known for two different kinds of films: bloody, sexy, hyper-violent crime-horror stories... and kiddie flicks, likely made to entertain his five awesomely named kids: Rocket, Racer, Rebel, Rogue and Rhiannon. While some of his kiddie flicks can be pretty entertaining to an open-minded adult (parts of Spy Kids 3-D are pure genius), mostly they're for the 12-and-under crowd, like the Racer-penned Shark Boy and Lava Girl. So when adult film buffs are sitting around waiting for any of the dozen genre projects under Rodriguez's purview to come to fruition, and he gives us the whimsical wish-fulfillment fantasy Shorts... well, we get a little depressed. Here are some of the projects that, given our druthers, Rodriguez should have been working on instead of Shorts.

Movies based on children's books by Dr. Seuss have done very well in Hollywood. How the Grinch Stole Christmas was a Jim Carrey blockbuster in 2000, as was the animated Horton Hears a Who in 2008. Mike Myers' The Cat in the Hat, on the other hand... well, two successful movies out of three ain't bad. But now that the news has broken that Universal will be releasing a 3D animated movie based on ecological parable The Lorax in 2012, one has to wonder how many movies ol' Theodor Geisel's oeuvre has left to give us. We looked over his body of work and called out some of the most marketable titles. Expect to see one or more of these in theatres by 2015.

Finally, the literary adaptation we've waited years for! The fantastic imagery! The unspeakable terror! The parallels to our own world! That's right, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry is finally out on Blu-Ray! The long, hard, gay-innuendo-filled wait is over! Also, some other stuff came out.

Despite being a devoted fan of Neil Gaiman's printed works, I somehow didn't get the chance to see Coraline in the theaters, due to various life interferences. However, I was thrilled with delight when I received a copy in the mail the other day... complete with a little promotional mobile (it went right next to the one that I had from the Stardust graphic novel). I wanted to watch the film in its 3D format, as all of my friends had raved about how cool the stop-motion looked, but I ended up feeling like a fat kid from a Kevin Smith movie staring at a Magic Eye poster and never getting to see the sailboat.

The Smurfs live-action movie is officially underway, and we can't wait to see what actors are going to be in it! For Vanity Smurf, they need someone who's pretty, but not too pretty, so that-- what? The Smurfs will all be computer-generated? But... but we just wrote this whole big Smurf cast wish list! Oh, come on! Well, maybe they'll change their minds, and realize that tiny, blue versions of some of today's funniest actors is the way to go. Click here to see who we think should play Papa, Heft, Brainy, Smurfette and the rest of the gang.

After two years of waiting, I have finally seen the latest installment in the Harry Potter series, and it is good. I mean, really good. I laughed, I cried, I was on the edge of my seat. And considering that it was only rated PG, rather than PG-13 like the last two, there was still plenty of gore and violence and scary stuff. There's also a lot of snogging (British for making out), because, in case you weren't aware, this chapter of the Potter saga is all about sex.

While the latest Harry Potter film, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is the first installment in a while to be rated PG, that doesn't mean it's any less messed-up. Sure, there's less blood (even though it's the first to put the word "blood" right in the title), but Harry still receives a nasty beating, there are teen make-out parties galore and at least one person gets murdered. Oh, and there are also zombies. Fricking zombies! In celebration of the scariest PG film we've seen in a while, we thought we'd run down the most effed-up moments in the franchise's first five films. No spoilers for Half-Blood, unless you count us mentioning zombies earlier. Too late!

Can you believe it's been two years since the last Harry Potter film came out? ...You can? Yeah, it does feel like a long time, doesn't it. Well, it's time to refresh your memory about what happened last time, and who everybody is, so you can go into the new film and know what the hell's going on. Because there are a lot of characters in these films. Between the students and the teachers and the parents and the Death-Eaters, nobody gets more than five minutes of screentime, and it's hard to keep their stories straight. Luckily, we've created a handy-dandy Harry Potter Character Guide with pictures of all of the old characters and a few new ones, plus info on what happened last time and what their status is at the start of this one. It's non-spoilery, so don't worry about us giving away the extremely shocking ending of the movie which everyone already knows about anyway. Still, if you don't want to know how it ends, you should probably leave the Internet.