Because, well first, Journey to the Center of the Earth has always been a cheese-fest. And then there's the fact that it's in 3D, and you can't tell by the trailers whether it's trying to be more action or comedy, or just a big-ol' 3D effects showcase. And then there's that line that they feature in nearly every promo, in which Brendan says, "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the center of the Earth," but in a really slow, important way. Yeah, who talks to their nieces and nephews like that? I think some writer or exec was like, "Oh, can we get him to say this line? It will be like he's saying it to the audience, because they're clearly too dumb to figure out that it's the center of the earth without that line. I know it's in the movie title, but do you know how dumb people are?" Uh, no, we're really not, and we do not need that ridiculous extrapolation to get that, in a movie titled Journey to the Center of the Earth, we are going to see the filmmaker's idea of what the center of the Earth might look like.

They seem to fall to the center of the earth, where they meet all sort of perilous adventures and where they can only live for 48 hours. Oh, and there is a dinosaur. Did you know dinosaurs live inside the Earth? Yeah, well, this movie will be the perfect education (or mis-education) for all of us, especially its target demographic of teens and tweens. Thanks, Brendan et. al for helping uneducated America. And for this 3D nightmare that, without 3D glasses, sort of looks like an effects machine puked on the screen. Let's hope the 3D glasses help.

Reviews By People Who've Actually Seen It:
Variety
Rotten Tomatoes